As everyone appears to be watching the cricket (256 for 4 as I types this, 63 overs), I am wasting my time reading Holy Moly's very brilliant Rules of Modern life.
Best ones so far:
Kanye West is not a service station on the M4.
Much like the members of The Beatles, Labour politicians will die in the wrong order.
Do not pick John Prescott as a 'Slap Happy' target.
Though I realise with horror than when ordering coffee in a public place I do, in fact, say "can I get..." and not "may I please have...". I have no idea when this happened.