Saturday, May 12, 2007

The Assistant (spoilers ahead)

Have you been watching this year's UK version of The Apprentice? Well you probably should, because it's brilliant. Largely because several of the contestants are borderline nut jobs; particularly my absolute favourite, the magnificent Katie.

SHE'S BONKERS! DON'T LOOK INTO HER EYES! DON'T LOOK INTO HER EYES!!

She is completely formidable and utterly hilarious. She is one of the few candidates to actually have her shit together, and has intelligence and wit in bucketloads. She stands for no sillyness, and is hilariously scathing about some of her fellow contestants. She is part army intelligence office, part businesswoman, part horsey lady and quite a lot of fearsomeness. I'm not really sure why she's doing this, but every week she comes out with some classic lines.

As ever, TV Guru Nancy Banks-Smith has it sussed.

The highlight so far has been Katie's merciless take-down of Adam - a man whose only personality trait appears to be being Northern. Oh and he likes cars. Adam has spent quite a lot of time in the boardroom in recent weeks, and wormed his way out of a firing last week but co-revealing the relationship Katie was having with fellow contestant Paul - an ex-Army walking lisp, bless him.

This was something viewers knew nothing about (well, me anyway) and I nearly bit the corner off a Habitat cushion in excitement. Which is funny as Shabbers appear to be sponsoring the contestans plush Notting Hill residence this year. I keep expecting to see a couple wandering around in the background asking if the rattan coffee table comes in any other colours.

Paul was fired (largely because he tried to sell rancid and cheap English cheese to the French) and Katie flushed red before going supernova and vowing revenge on Adam's hapless soul:
Katie: "I would like to be the person that secures Adam's exit and his route back to the north and his northern chums where, I do feel, he rather belongs."

Bizarrely, when the mud was flying, it turned out Adam was a wine drinker:
Katie: "If we're going to go personal, let's crack on, but I strongly advise you not to take me down the personal route. When your best friends are Mr Pinot and Mr Grigio, you want to watch it."

So that was the end of poor Ads. He was simply no match for the mighty mad Katie, who has GOT to be in the final three. Still, at least he's not bitter, hey? Oh.

Can't wait for next week. Katie to win!! Go Lady! Not least because even Sralan seems rather disconcerted by Katie.

We're mooting for further BBC 3 spin-off shows, beyond the post-sacking interview. Maybe a Big Brother style show with 24-hour footage entirely from within the contestants house. But better would be starring vehicles for the show's true stars:Managing with Margaret and Nick Negotiates. Brilliant.


Flathunting in progress! More to report later on, hopefully.

5 comments:

LaLa said...

She looks like.... a man.

Will said...

She reminds me of the T-1000.

LaLa said...

Ahem. I don't want to put pressure on you like... but where the fuck are you?

First Gareth... now... boz?

Say it is not true.

xx

PS Had a dream that you married my friend Cass a few weeks ago and she was all like "don't you just love my fiancee" and I was like "but... it's boz! From inside my computer... and er... he wants hunky Aussie men to help him move..."

Oh shit. That is probably why you have not posted.. because you are MOVING!

Boz said...

...don't say the 'M' word... don't say it... if I see another brown box full of crapola it'll be tooooo sooooonnn...

LaLa said...

omg. Thank goodness you are still there and stuff!

Is it over yet, O-V-A-H?

At least you don't have to paint the fucking place, like I am painting my fucking place!

I fucking hate painting, but I fucking love swearing.