Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Further Advents: 25 DECEMBER (HAPPY CHRISTMAS!)

Right.

What fun! But that is it. After 25 days of continous (ish) blogging, I'm done, I'm spent, I'm finito.

There is nothing behind this blog post - because every Christmas is entirely your own. Enjoy!! Besides. Who's reading the t'internet today?

All that remains is for me to wish you a very merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year. Cheers for reading!

I shall be taking a blog-break until 2008.

Loads of love,

Boz


oooooo go on then. One more mince pie....

Monday, December 24, 2007

Futher Advents: 24 December (omg it's Christmas Eve I'm really excited is Santa coming is he is he is he is he? etc.)

T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring... except the madly energetic children high on cake and sugar and sweets.

Being locked in the house with an over-excited small child on Christmas Eve is like defusing a series of never-ending bombs. You know it's only a matter of time before calmness is snapped like a twig and panic and mayhem break out.

I actually found myself using the phrase, "...or Santa won't bring you any presents." Which frankly I thought would never happen. Oh dear me.

But I'm not Scrooge. It's still lovely!! :-) Especially as the over-excitement of a three year old makes it even more enjoyable for the rest of us.

NowshurrupcoztheChristmasEditionofTheGoodLifeison. S'the one where they all get sloshed and nearly end up swinging. Which is frankly, very Surbiton. Fabulous line from Margot (reading from a cracker joke): " 'The Oo-ar bird is so named because it lays square eggs'. I don't understand that at all."

My nephew is weeing noisily in the next room (which is luckily the bathroom) and talking to his genitalia. Ahhhh.

Anyway. Enough of this family nonsense. What have I for you today?

Well. T'is the season. But if you'll excuse a bit of guilt-inducing schmaltz, for a lot of people Christmas might be lonely, cold and a bit desperate.

I'm not going to make you feel bad! Just visit this cool site to build a city and help a few people out at the same time. Go on - it's a great way to spend the time while eating a mince pie. Or five. And Shelter will thank you.

Now. I'm so excited a little bit of wee might come out.

G&T on!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Further Advents: 23 December (how the FRICK am I gonna get these presents home??)

Right. Madly rushing around today getting m'arse back home and sorting last minute things out. Ironing. IRONING!?

So, here's Lovely Lucy Mangan with a well-timed piece on Christmas Eve.

ARGH DON'T CRASH SAFARI YOU BASTARD.

Right. Calm. Little Book of Calm....

When next you hear from me, I shall be reporting live from the remote parental unit. We hope.

Nnnnng.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Further Advents: 22 December (sticky fingers)

Behind today's window, portal, blog post thing is a tribute to the thing that I have used a LOT of today. Yes. Transparent, cellulose-based, pressure-sensitive adhesive tape:


Sellotape!

And who knew it woud have such a flashy site.

From which I learn..
"The name 'Sellotape' has been synonymous with adhesive tape for generations. The product even has its own entry in the Oxford English Dictionary. As a brand leader in the UK, Sellotape won Superbrands' Most Trustworthy Brand Award in 2003, beating the likes of Rolls Royce!"

Faskianating. Furthermore, Wikipedia tells me that it was first made in Acton. Which is probably the best thing ever to have come out of Acton.

(Note for those from overseas and other extra-terrestrial visitors. Acton is, well, how can I put this, a hole. Which probably means it's about ten years away from becoming the next hip place to live... no, sorry, I can't even type that with a straight face. I'm sure parts of it are lovely and many of its residents love living there. But basically it's the arse end of the District Line. Ithankyou.)

The website also has a remarkable amount of detail on how Sellotape is made. I'm not sure why you would need to know this, but I find it strangely reassuring that it's there.

My Gran pronounces it 'seal-o-tape'. Because she thinks the Queen would say it like that. Right. Like the Queen gets down on the floor with a 5m roll of sparkly paper from Woolies and the kitchen scissors, does she? To wrap Philips new pair of slippers and book tokens for the grandkids? Unlikely.

In short - Sellotape, we salute you! You are the un recognised Hero of Christmas! And also other celebration times! Including Birthdays!

Rip on, Angela!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Further Advents: 21 December (Awooga! Lolcats warning.)



Yes. Well. Last day in the office. Not. Doing. Much. It's all very end of term. So lots of LolCats. And any excuse not to do work.

So behind today's t'internet window is stuff that is being sent round the workplace.

Stuff like cool addictive games.

Stuff like funny cartoon captions.

Stuff like The Star Wars Last Supper. Which is just quite awesome.

And more cool perfectly timed pictures.

And finally, The LolCats Nativity:

"Then Joseph waked up, done wat teh angel frm Ceiling Cat tolded him to, and was all liek "U wit me now lol" at Mary. And dey didnt has teh HARBL GOES WHERE!?!? til affer dey gets a son and calleded him Jeezus. Ktnx."

Magnificent!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Further Advents: 20 December ("sorbets that smell of uncles")

I done promised LaLa that this post would be a touch more UP TEMPO and FUN! (Exclamation mark: author's own).

Well for kick-off let's have the angel on top of everyone's tree, Nancy Banks-Smith on some Christmas food telly. The woman has lost none of her magic. Wit, vim and good typing whirl out from under her ever-ready fingertips:

"Their antlers were like a leafless forest against the great, golden skies."
and
"Give Rob Brydon a second helping of gruel, poor mite, before the rickets set in."

Then we'll have a dash of Geoff with some mildly perilous festive music, along the theme of high driving. The result being a Wham, one expects. (ker-chuckle).

Then we'll have EVEN MORE music suggestions from the brilliant Delrico Bandito.

Then take three ounces of Doris and her tips on festive decorations for historic homes. Along with possibly a fire blanket, to taste.

Not enough? What is it you're wanting? A side dish of choirs or something? Or Something?

Whistle on.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Further Advents: 19 December (bleak Facebook scrabble)


Sometimes, do you ever get the feeling the universe is trying to you something?

Monday, December 17, 2007

Further Advents: 17 December (things and stuff)

Right. Freeness ahoy.

The band Maps are amazing. Even more amazing is the timely free cover version of East 17's Stay Another Day. Dreary - but deliberately so, no? Like a drunk, who's lost a bet...* For all you Yuletidephobes out there in t'internet land.

Looky here! New trailers for the new Batman film. Ooooo.

I was sent this a few weeks ago by a mate. IT'S AMAZING:


"Fashion is something that can be acquired.. by looking at a lot of different fashions"

"I choose an orange lipstick, and wore my hair very simply. Ostrich feathers, anyone..? This is what I call originality in design..."


I know, I know, It's wrong to mock the past. Foreign countries, doing things differently etc etc.** But seriously give it a watch. S'brilliant. Jaw-droppingly brilliant. And just in time to give you some re-decoration tips for the festive period. Brenda's still around too.

I see Will Smith is doing well. I have to take the credit. The filming of that interupted my shopping in New York for all of 45 minutes. Tsk.

Finally, and randomly, free pictures from the Tube archives. Kewl.

* Mini Moviewang fo you there.
** IS THERE NO END TO THE CULTURAL REFERENCES.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Further Advents: 15 through 16 December (hic)

Weeeeeell. Obviously I'm a bad Advent blogger: I missed a day. Mostly because this time was spent on this project. What can I say? If it makes you feel any less neglected, I have also failed to do my Christmas cards, still have some way to go wth the shopping and ther Christmas tree has been standing on the landing for three days all wrapped up in its mesh stuff.

Oh Dear.

SO. Anyway. On with 'the show'. Day 16!

For all you retro gamers out there ("...hullooo...?") it's The Original Prince of Persia!

Enjoy! And time those key presses very very carefully. Ow I've been spiked. I've been spiked again. Damn those spikes. Spiked. Spiked. Spiked again. Floor gave way. Spikes. More spikes. Floor giving way... ahh. The memories...

Friday, December 14, 2007

Further Advents: 14 December (three pints in = at most fabulous)


Because this isn't just any old advent post. Oooooooooo nooooo. 'fraid not, funters.

THIS. This one here. RIGHT NOW. HERE. Is the THREE HUNDRETH post on Further Adventures. Yes! Can you believe it!? I can't. Really. I cannot believe I've kept this up this far. Gosh.

Before I get all 'motional, let's get on with the show. Apart from the first ever picture of me on this blog, what else have we behind door number 14?

Well. For starters, can I present to you, the hilarious but wonderful mother of Ms Emma Kennedy?

For those of you who haven't seen it; the mighty FunnyGood, mighty addictive stylings of the mighty warriors of Toy-Fu. "Steve?"

And this cool thing let's you design your own wrapping paper. Timely.
Hmmm. 300. So what else happens at 300?

Ahhh, I give up. Let's have some Christmas Cheese:


300 and onwards, funters!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Further Advents: 12 December (literally awe inspiring)

How could I top Betty from yesterday?*

Well. Day Twelve. What do we have?


THE FUTURE OF OUR WORLD
.
Yeah! Brew up a tea, take a seat** and watch the fate of our planet. 'Mazing.



Those who know me will know that the line 'any life left on earth will by now have relocated' is going to be my clear favourite.

It's all very Hitchhiker's Guide. High praise indeed.

* For recent comers to Further Advents, panic not! Bloggercide is not forthcoming. You misunderstand me. Now read on.
** With a cushion if you so fancy, Go on. Spoil yourself. It's nearly Christmas.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Further Advents: 11 December (vital blogging tools)

So children, what's behind our Further Advent door on day eleven? What treasure, treat or triumph have we to feast upon today?

Why, it's Our Lady Betty of the Utility Room!

Specifically her blogger's guide to the perfect blog post. I really must take on board some of the advice she has been proffered by her commenters (Commenters? Commentators? Comment-leavers?). Specifically from this one, Tom.

Largely because Betty 'bigged-up' this blog in the comments and sent people this way. I am going through a phase of being a blog-traffic whore. I will literally do anything you ask of me.

(Has sinking feeling of a big mistake looming fast on the horizon).

Although, Frankly, if you've arrived here from The Legendary Utility Room - then what a f*cking let down. How could one possibly compete?

Blog on!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Further Advents: 10 December (by the roll of the die)

Okay. Either this is clever-clever compooter jiggery-pokery, or someone spent A LOT of time with A LOT of dice.

Either way - cracking video, stonking choon by Fujiya & Miyagi.



Big hats off to Mark for pointing me in their direction when we were relaxing in The Social and this song came on.

Tra la lah.

Yes. I will top using this Further Advents thing as a way of collating a bunch of YouTube clips soon, I promise.

Jazz mags on.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Further Advents: 8 December (with added religion and church dancing)

Hooray for Sister Wendy! Here at Further Adventures we very much like people people with open minds. Especially when they are bit funky and glide around galleries getting all excited about renaissance artwork.

Right. I've started a church theme. Hmmm. Where can I go with this?

I know!! (spoilers if you haven't seen the end of the first series of Ugly Betty)



Amazing. Sister Wendy and Kelis covers in the same blog post. I continue to amaze myself.

And if anyone mentions the dates the last couple post went up then they'll be VERY STERN WORDS DADDY HAS ONE OF HIS HEADS ON.

Ithankyou.

Crashing on.

Quietly.

Shh.

Further Advents: 7 December (because anger is funny)

Further Advents: 6 December (quote of the day)

(As heard in the office. A colleague is on the phone to a friend who is trying to explain something to her)

Colleague: No. How? But how? But that's physics. I don't get physics, It's like magic. Can you explain it to me in Harry Potter?

Monday, December 03, 2007

Further Advents: 3 December (presented in association with the letter G)

Because They have gone and messed with perfection (ie made a new St. Trinians film*) I am reminded of wonderful Joyce.**

I'm tenuously going to pretend I'm not posting a clip from the first St. Trins film because she always slightly regretted doing them, butreallyit'sbecauseIcan'tfindanyclipsonYouTube.

Instead, here is another delightful classic Joyce moment from the film archives.***



Girls, Grenfell and Genevieve. The letter G.

* Incidentally made with Lottery Money. Does that mean we're paying for it twice? Not that I play the Lottery, but you get my drift. If only because I can't find anywhere stocking Dreft.

** Right. I promise the next few Advents will be a bit more cutting-edge, HipCool and counter-culture-tastic. I would like to reiterate that I am not a reader of The Daily Mail.

*** YouTube again. Obviously.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Further Advents: 4 December (powering-up Christmas)

Computer games.

Yes, I like books. Yup, and telly and films. Even art'n'stuff too.

But computer games, from Mario to Sonic to Doom to Zelda to Kirby to Lemmings. I LOVE 'EM. And there is a generation of people my age who secretly bond over such things. I spent five minutes at a party on saturday trying to make the noise that happened if you played my Commodore Vic 20 tapes in the hifi.* And remembering when you had to blow on your Gameboy Cartridge to make it work. That isn't the euphemism it sounds like.

So peoples. How do YOU like your Mario theme music?

Duo-guitars?
Full orchestra?
Accordian?
Tuba?
In church?
Bassoons?
Beatboxing flute?
In metric and imperial measures?


For me, it has to be the full-on, blow out, performance art choral number:



It's just how I shake my snowglobe.

Power-up on!


* Damn but I'm cool. And who has a HiFi anymore?

Further Advents: 2 December (AKA a festive tale of WOE)

Hah! Bet you'd all think I'd fail at day two, didn't you. No such luck, feckers! Even after saturday night drinks we're still here and kicking bottom. AND what's more I've mad a significant dent on my Christmas shopping today (smug).

So - the dread question - what's behind the window of day two? Well, because we're a bit cultural here at Further Advents, behind the window is POETRY. Yes, that's right, you read write, don't choke on your mince pie you'll get crumbs on your keyboard, POETRY.

There is, of course, a context.

Last year, just before Christmas, I split up with my then bloke. It being Christmas, I had been very organised (sort of) and done my shopping. When the split happened, in a fit of peak I made bloke take one of the presents I had bought him when he left (blatantly because I was rather pleased with it and was in no mood to make it easy). But the other smaller gifts (yes, plural) were left sitting on my shelf - and in fact have been for most of the year. In a bag. Avoided.

One of them - a joke present for in-joke comedy purposes which made sense at the time - was a selected poetry of Pam Ayres*.

Picture if you will, the sad scene of me, freshly singled, in my flat one lonely December evening, reading through the selected poetry of Pam Ayres and crying manfully. Oh. Dear.

So, Ladies and Gentlemen, for your second piece of advent joy I give you the poetic stylings of Pam Ayres. (Over to you, Pam)



Goodwill To Men
- Give Us Your Money

by Pam Ayres

It was Christmas Eve on a Friday
The shops was full of cheer,
With tinsel in the windows,
And presents twice as dear.
A thousand Father Christmases,
Sat in their little huts,
And folk was buying crackers
And folk was buying nuts.

All up and down the country,
Before the light was snuffed,
Turkeys they get murdered,
And cockerels they got stuffed,
Christmas cakes got marzipanned,
And puddin's they got steamed
Mothers they got desperate
And tired kiddies screamed.

Hundredweight's of Christmas cards,
Went flying through the post,
With first class postage stamps on those,
You had to flatter most.
Within a million kitchens,
Mince pies was being made,
On everyone's radio,
"White Christmas", it was played.

Out in the frozen countryside
Men crept round on their own,
Hacking off the holly,
What other folks had grown,
Mistletoe on willow trees,
Was by a man wrenched clear,
So he could kiss his neighbour's wife,
He'd fancied all the year.

And out upon the hillside,
Where the Christmas trees had stood,
All was completely barren,
But for little stumps of wood,
The little trees that flourished
All the year were there no more,
But in a million houses,
Dropped their needles on the floor.

And out of every cranny, cupboard,
Hiding place and nook,
Little bikes and kiddies' trikes,
Were secretively took,
Yards of wrapping paper,
Was rustled round about,
And bikes were wheeled to bedrooms,
With the pedals sticking out.

Rolled up in Christmas paper
The Action Men were tensed,
All ready for the morning,
When their fighting life commenced,
With tommy guns and daggers,
All clustered round about,
"Peace on Earth - Goodwill to Men"
The figures seemed to shout.

The church was standing empty,
The pub was standing packed,
There came a yell, "Noel, Noel!"
And glasses they got cracked.
From up above the fireplace,
Christmas cards began to fall,
And trodden on the floor, said:
"Merry Christmas, to you all."


Thanks Pam!

I've cheated a bit because there wasn't anything on Christmas in the £5.99 book I bought**. I stole this from this website. Go and visit, buy the book etc. etc.

Which I suppose makes Our Pam the ghost of Christmas past. Which isn't very fair, is it? Poor Pam.

* Okay. Not that cultural. I mean I'm not being snobby about Pam - who certainly has a well-won place in British culture. But she's not in danger of winning the Turner Prize, is she? Bless her though.
** Last of the big spenders.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Further Advents: Launch Day!

Now, I haven't stolen this idea or title from anywhere. Honest.

I must be insane, having seen first hand what blogging every day for a month can do to a blogger. But I'm keeping it simple, see...

THE FURTHER ADVENTS RULES OF ENGAGEMENT*

Every day in the run up to Christmas I will be bringing you, dear blog readers, little windows on the internet. Open these windows (or "blog posts" as the kids are calling them) and discover a bit of something wonderful, delightful, amusing and witty**.

These posts may comprise:

- Good blog posts on other blogs
- Photos (probably of me being silly***)
- Bits of YouTube silliness
- Things Christmas-related
- Sparkly stuff

Basically, I'm keeping the field as open as possible.

SO HOW WE KICKING THIS MADNESS OFF? WHAT AMAZINGNESS IS BEHIND THE WINDOW ON DAY ONE? Well, you'd think I'll pull something a bit spectacular out of the bag for the launch, wouldn't you? Oh yes. Drumroll please...



TWO CATS TALKING IN MEOWS. Amazing. What? More?? You want MORE? Okay then. Have a gander at this post from Popjustice, outlining the recent career progression of Leona 'it's just amazing to be here' Lewis. Honestly. It's hilarious.

Right. Advent on!

* AKA terms of endearment
** We can but hope, friends
*** AKA drunk. i wake this morning with a sore head and a collection of the worst ever photos of my workmates. At one point last night I found myself at the bar ordering two gin and slimline tonics, one vodka and diet coke, two vodka lime and sodas, one latte with a brandy on the side and a tia maria. How can I be so sure of the exact order? Because I woke up this morning with the order written on my hand: