Friday, December 26, 2008

"I'd just like to thank my cleaner..."


There we are then.* That was 2008. Innit.

And so, before I quit these shores** for my hollibobs, it's time to look back and reflect on the twelvemonth just gone in the blogosphere. The highs. The lows. The spelling errors.

And there's no reason not to do that with a posh dress and champagne.

I don't mean literally in champagne, of course. There is not better thing to do with bubbly stuff other than drink it. And from a glass. Drinking it from someone's shoe is gross. Oh, it's all fun and laughter to start with, but then there are verucas and athlete's foot...

Likewise, I'm not in a dress. I'm not going to tell you what I'm wearing. It's really not that sort of blog.

And obviously I couldn't afford Stephen Fry slash Jonathan Ross slash Angus Deayton to compere, so you is left with me.

So. Let's all just pretend we're at BAFTA or somewhere, glass in hand, nibbles circulating in a rotary fashion, and here we go...

(Paps flash! Cars pull up! Red carpets are walked over! Laptops are opened!)


(or, The 2008 BBA's. I've not found sponsorship yet.)

Blog most likely to have its own theme tune - Betty's Utility Room
Special mention has to go to Betty for her nomination in the category of Keeping Upper-Middle Class Twits Firmly In Check. The judges also felt BUR deserved a special commendation for the creative use of pictures. "WELL DONE DEAR!" is the kind of thing we really would not be allowed to get away with.

The 'Andrew's Marred' Best Political Commentator Award - As ever a much-contested category, but our special panel of crack judges (insert your own here, matron) felt this really had to go to the sensitive and democratic musings at Kaliyuga Kronicles.
Rarely has one slightly deranged man shown such dedication to the cause of political balance, while still also keeping up on cultural shenanigans in late night posts. Like napalm, an acquired taste, but with devastating results.

Blogger Who Was Lost But Now We've Found - Well it's JulaBerry. Because she went for a bit. Then she came back. Then she was on Facebook. And she reminds me to floss my teeth. A blogger of many talents. AND she was a CHAMPION of the Great 2008 Adopt-A-Word thingy. Hooray! Like a whirling, skirring thing she storms up the 'sphere with wit and humour and large amounts of lovely booze. Yay!

Blog most likely to contain the word 'dentist' - (Contains Mild Peril). While the 'one award per blog' rule alas means that Our Geoff - one of the great domestic and cultural commentators of our time - once AGAIN misses out in the 'Best Use Of Parenthesis' We Have Ever Seen' category, we are sure it is only a matter of time before this blog diversifies into other mediums. We can only wait with baited (but nice smelling) breath for the one-off special 'dental years' collection in book form; cruelly entitled 'The Cavity'. Dame rumour also reaches us with word that this will be hotly followed by a a spin-off series literally blowing the lid on UK office life...

Blog whose name I most like typing in Google - Quinquireme.
Go on. Do it now. Do it. Just type in 'quinquireme' in your Google box. Doesn't it feel good? Doesn't it feel right? Doesn't it make you feel that the internet just got a bit more orderly and professional? Just for a moment? Well then. That's what our team of judges felt too. And this award is all the more meaningful in the year that saw this blog falter briefly while the writer procreated. But standards were maintained and it is still the place you're least likely to find typo or grammer error, even in Pictish. Actually, especially in Pictish. Well they needed tidying up anyway..

Best new blog I've tripped across that still feels shiny and lovely and newwwwww - Really Quite Useful.
The judges deliberated long and and hard (ie, over more than one biscuit) about this one. Eventually they felt that the thing about this one is actually the startling honestly found in a few funny lines. For this blog is genuinely about this blogger's life and we applaud this...
(applause please).

The "We Are Most Concerned" Endangered Blog - The glorious Stately Moans. Doris - thy blogosphere needs you. And if there was any justice in the world, you would be being sponsored by your employers. Le Sigh.

Blog with the best profile picture and accompanying explanation of all time - Why, of course, it's RealDoc. This blogger has legendarily also mastered making people hoot with laughter without even getting to the blog posts, which is damn clever.

Blogger Most Lifting The Lid On Life At The CREATIVE EDGE - James And The Blue Cat. Although he's not really real, you know. That cat is really controlling him from behind the scenes. It doesn't want the other cats to know it has a writing career. The human is just his pen human...

Best use of anger award - Dear and delightful The Deleted Scenes. Because I firmly believe anger genuinely IS funny, and all people cursed by Travelodge deserve awards for survival. Plus, the blog is good too. Judges brought to our attention the improbably daring use of banner art.

So all that is left for me to do is offer deep and warm thanks to all the people above and also not above who have made me chuckle, exclaim out loud or suffer blog-envy this year. You have enlightened my life online this year - so bloody Cheers!! Here's to further interesting adventures on the intermawebs in 2009! (Down with the dreaded ennui!)

I don't usually do resolutions, as it always starts the year with failure, but instead of 'I won'ts', in 2009 BOZ WILL:

...use more pictures
...finally learn how to make the text go tiny wee and crossed out because that makes me laugh
...write better

See you in a few weeks!

* One of the best revelations of 2008 was a mate's dad pointing out that this was an acronym.
** Peeeeeeenis...

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Well then.

The presents are bought, sellotape has been wrestled with, the booze is purchased, the batteries have been remembered, the tree is up and still alive, and Poems on the Underground is still providing some festive spirit for furtive last-minute shopping trips:

Well. Quite.

Thank you, Mister Graves.

All I want now is to relax, watch some telly, open presents and play some games. Although in our house they are not going to be as classy as this (mmmm. tasty.).*

Oh. And eat my bodyweight in chocolate, of course.

Have a splendiferous Christmas, bloggers!

* C/O Be Bop Boy.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

A Secret Society

I have not read the books, but I'm sure it's a jolly good film. Obviously I'm not exactly 'in touch' with the the average contemporary young lady, but most mainstream films don't really offer them the chance to swoon, feel moved and go down the slightly alternative and gothy path, so this is to be applauded. I mean, anything is better than Lindsay Lohan being perky, right?

While teenage and pre-teenage girls are endlessly marketed things, it's not often there a bit, well, dark. If it's the undead it's all Kate Beckinsale in tight catsuits or pub jokes about zombies. All good stuff, but probably not speaking to the heart of your average fifteen year old girl in Surrey, who secretly wants to run away and get bitten by werewolves.*

So, yes. While this film isn't going to be quite my cup of roibosh, I think it is a good thing it is out there in the universe. Maybe it'll even help some 'young uns'** get into some of the classic gothic literature, like Dracula, The Monk or the doorstop that is The Mysteries of Udolpho.***

It's just that every time I see this: my head I hear this:

Oh dear.

I did a course on the gothic novel at Uni. I can't help feeling I've let the lovely tutor down, somehow..

* Because don't we all?
** Shoot me now. Seriously.
*** Which in the case of the latter would at the very least help young ladies rejoice in the fact that they are not expected to wander around drafty grade one listed buildings in nighties, gasping and fainting a lot. Because that's tragically dull, wussy and unfullfilling.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

This Christmas, give your loved one the smell of meat...

Can they be serious?? Is this real? Or am I once again being duped by 21st century marketing practices.

The person who came up with this at BK should be knighted, on the basis of just taking the mick and reinforcing every stereotype the rest of the world has about the US.

Although actually, I should be grateful for any gift ideas, as I'm starting to panic just slightly.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

A4 is M?

Here's fun, japers.

The School of Life are running an aphorism competition.

I think my favourite from the submitted entries so far is:

"Now is the winter of our dishcloth tent." (Elliott Cooper)

None of them are quite as good as some of the stuff that gets bandied around the office though:

“I like the flipchart. It’s like the gateway to creativity.”

“How do you play badminton if you’re blind..?”

“Does anyone know of any kitten looking for a home, that might have mentioned that it would like to come and live with me?”

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

"There's fancy bread then.."

Oh no.

A small piece of my childhood (a warm and happy place*) has drawn to a close.

How wonderful to spend your life giving so much delight - and narrative structure - to small people's lives?

I'm not going to get all gushy, because I'm sure other bloggers will do grater justice to the subject than I can, and saying 'they don't make 'em like that any more' makes me sound like a bit of a old fool.**

But it's fair to say, I think, that his genius rests in a time when telly for younger people was peaceful, a bit homespun and lacking in high-tech special effects - and was still totally engrossing.***

So, in tribute, here is a wee bit of my personal favourite, Ivor the Engine:

I expect Lucy Mangan will need to be heavily sedated before she can talk about this.

UPDATE: Tim and Annie are leading the tributes.

* Mostly. Apart from the GIANT ALIEN SPIDERS.
** They don't though. Although obviously In The Night Garden and Space Pirates have their own amazing merits.
*** Although it also fair to say that Tottie: The Story of a Dolls' House freaked the shiz out of me - in a healthy and life-forming way. Does anyone else remember THE ONE WHERE THEY CAUGHT FIRE??

Monday, December 08, 2008

Solid Cold Easy Action

Typically, the office heating has decided to splutter its last and shuffle off its gas-powered coil.

It's really cold in the office. Really cold. It's actually quite difficult to type.*

We have contacted the landlord and the official line has come back on the situation:

LANDLORD: "The thermostat must not be working."

WORK: "Yes. We were wondering about that."

LANDLORD: "It must be a ghost."


I'm not entirely happy with this explanation, as it seems to come from the fact they don't understand the heating system, rather than any kind of spiritual belief or evidence of traumatic past event.**

We have tried to remain stoic, but questions have already been asked about 'being allowed to go home because we're so cold'. The answer appears to be that this only occurs at school. Dammit. I had one of those childhoods*** where I was made to go to school in blizzards anyway (Paging Lucy Mangan, Paging Lucy Mangan). Days when there only about thirty people in the entire school were fun. Sort of a Blitz spirit but with Bunsen Burners.

Ohhh, the things you can do with a Bunsen Burner... Turn it on. Turn it off. Change the flame colour. Hours of fun.

I'm starting to wonder if boiling the kettle might help heat the room, if not very efficiently. I'm beginning to miss the faint warmth CRT monitors used to give off...

UPDATE: We have a more expert opinion in; the nice engineer man says we have a low water pressure problem. Essentially when the water pressure gets too low the heating system gets a bit depressed and gives up. As we speak, one of my colleagues is being instructed in the Dark Arts of reinvigorating it. The mind boggles - a stern pep talk? A playful prod of its valves? Some soft words of encouragement? Bleeding the radiators until a quick jet of dirty water gushes out...?

This ties in well with my recent showering experiences at home; it's great, so long as most of South London has already buggered off to work.

UPDATE AGAIN: The heating is fixed! And I have just typed out the the phrase 'deeper penetration into key global accounts' in a client document and giggled to myself.

YES, STILL HERE: We can't work out how to turn it down.. it's getting quite hot..

* Although not check Facebook.
** The Incident With The Laminator and The Great Headed Paper Shortage of 2007 notwithstanding. I mean, no one actually died..
*** Concentrate, here comes the middle-classness.

Friday, December 05, 2008

YOO-HOO! I can SEE you!

Well, I can't really. But I have finally re-installed my Google Anal-Itics thingy after upgrading my template on Blogger (I sound like a cyber-prat). Hurrah! For I have missed finding out that people are discovering my blog with such enthralling search terms as "fridge glass shelf replacement manchester uk".


Although big shout out to whoever got here via "coventry train station is shit".

And at least three people in the last few weeks have made good use of this post, so I'm all about public service.

The Bloggers I CAN see are the ones from the Blue Cat Blog Meet 2008. Which was huge fun. And slightly silly. And definitely resulted in all parties having slightly fewer brain cells. Ho-dear.

Attentive bloggers will note that I am not attempting another marathon Further Advents posting marathon. This is because I'm close enough to necking cooking sherry already, and need no further encouragement. Else you shall find me in a disheveled mess in a corner of the blogosphere by 15th December.

This may happen anyway, of course. No promises.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Boz pimps his age

Right, all I'm saying is, the original "1990's, time for Guru" version of Infinity by Guru Josh is ten million times better than the fancy, up-the-tempo, get some bint in for the video and added hi-hat 2008 nonsense. Which is officially big tub of cynical lard*

Betty will be with me on this, I'm sure.

Which is not to say old-skool chooons** can't be 'revisted', just like any other song. That Utah Saints re-jig was JUST as good as the original, and worked all the better for the awesome video.

Paul Gambaccini is missing a golden opportunity for a Radio 4 special programme here.

Basically, what we're calling for here is an early 90s week on X-Factor. C'mooon. It'd be brilliant. Diana doing some Mantronix, Eoghan tackling some Ce Ce Peniston. Alexandra making Blue Pearl's classic Dancing Naked In The Rain her own... no? No one is with me on this? Damn.

Wow. I really need to pull myself back into the noughties.

Anyway. So the Man Flu is over and I am back at work, and all the crabbier for it. AND no one told me Screenwipe was back! I had to go and find out all for myself! Chaa!

The big discovery of the week has definitely been that of all entertainment forms, blogs are possibly among the best when you are a bit poorly. I was barely in a state to follow the plot of Merlin on iPlayer, but dipping in and out of people's random thoughts and observations, letting your mouse take you anywhere you fancy, was perfect. Nothing too deep and heavy. Bite-size interesting bits.

I am struggling to find a suitable end to this blog post. I should really plan them better.

It must be time for another Lemsip...

* Why? WHY?? Where's the mandatory 90s synth piano sample gone? The increasingly threatening vocal? There's no place for big fluffy hats and going mental with glowsticks here... BAH, we say.

** As I have said before, and may say again, ain't no skool like the old skool.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

"An experiment was carried out..."

When experiencing a virulent and Really Rather Serious 24 hour bout of man-flu, the following statements have been proved to be true:

Not falling asleep until 7.30am: Bad

Leaving work a slightly delirious answerphone message at 6.30am: *pinks*

Calling in sick / 'working from home'* for the first time since about 2002: Surely eligible for some kind of holy and special shiny reward? Hmm? Bastard parents and their passing on of immunities.

Realising it's a glorious day you can't enjoy: Well. Humph.

Daytime TV: "Meh". Actually not very good.

DVD box sets: Oooo.**

Feeling utter pants: Bleurgh.

Long hot baths the like of which we never normally have time for: Ahh very good.

When you have the prickly, flinching skin thing and the cold wet shower curtain slaps across your back: REALLY NOT VERY GOOD AT ALL.

Leaving of the womb-like bath: Kamikaze method favoured by subject.

Supportive texts and emails from friends and colleagues: Jolly lovely.

Bon Iver: Yes, take ten points.

A picture of Hattie Jacques from this random site to pass the time: Super.

Care package of soup and supplies from Lovely Flatmate: Really, utterly outstanding.

Finally, NAPS!: Awesome.

UPDATE: Slightly mad hair has also been found in the sample.

UPDATE NUMBER TWO: The scary little girl I thought was watching me when I woke up in my bedroom: NOT WELCOME!

* And yes, there has been. Although work requires addition of the substance Thought, and alas I think we're running on fumes, there.

** In my breaks, work chums!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Proof that chastisement sort of works, actually

After a severe ticking off by Vicus, I am attempting to liven things up with a thing stolen from another thing.

Having lurked for a while around the amazing RealDoc, I was there earlier and was prompted to laughter by her tag cloud thing.

I have cut this out, and am popping it below for your delectation, ENTIRELY WITHOUT HER PERMISSION*.


Is blog theft bad? Is it? Oh noes. I'm going to hell again.

To appease your murderous glint, is everyone now aware that you can stream live footage of puppies straight to your desktop? If nothing else, I have found this is an excellent way to stop all work happening in the office.**

I'm doing quite a good job of not mentioning that the new Star Trek trailer is online in HD, now. Because I'm assuming that if you care about such things, you'll already know. (Fan boy shivers)

Also, I mean gosh, Popbitch is probably old hat these days, but this link from the last newsletter is worth a peek for Family Guy fans. Aha.

Okay, look, so still nothing that interesting. I will try and Make Some Things Happen this week so I have something to blog about.

Move along, now. Literally nothing to see here.

* Terribly rude. Sorry RealDoc - awesome blog!

** Mowraaghahahahaha! I shall take the system down from the inside, comrades!

AND cold.

The non-update update of the day is that I'm really, really bored.

Is it possible to have run out of bits of internet to look at?


Thursday, November 13, 2008

Satan's Pop Music

This week I have been mostly gabbering away at a rate of knots to my flatmate.

He came back from a trip to Oz earlier this week, and none too soon because I had actually started seriously talking to the toilet. Geoffrey was getting full blown discourses on the state of humanity. Also complaints about shower hose pipes breaking. Which was annoying. I think my poor flatmate

None of this actually matters because the End Of The World has officially started.


Am I alone in thinking.. WTF?

Although in better new, Graham Linehan has ablog. Why does no one tell me these things?

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Basically, we're just very hi-tech here at TFAOB


Oooo. Look at me, getting down with the 21st century technology.

This, peoples, is a QR code. You may have seen such things already, because as always I'm way behind the times. If you have a reader on your mobile phone and point it at such a thing, it'll reveal a weblink, message or phone number. I generated this one at the Kaywa website.

Print it out! Sticker it places! Do your own! What fun.

AND, I thought, eyes ever on the look out for inspiration, what a nifty knitting pattern. EXCEPT some bugger has got there before me. Damn them all and their awesome needlework and design ability (waves fist at internets). C/O We Made This there is also a top-notch QR Flickr group.

Basically the message here is that I am still enthusiastically aged about nine, and love anything that smacks slightly of secret agents. Wheeee!

(And yes shamelessly, I know I started playing around with this and my iPhone because of this piece from the Grauniad. Can't think of Pepsi without thinking of David Beckham (not, it has to be said, a man I think about very often) saying it in his squeaky voice in the wild west advert ages ago. I DIGRESS... and I'm still in brackets.)

I shall be hunting for things around London to zap with my phone. Probably while shout KAPLATT or SHAZOOM. I quite like the idea of Shakespeare in digital form...


Oh dear. More examples linked in the comments, if you fancy.

Friday, October 31, 2008

More Friday things from the intermawebs

Today, Quantum of Solace is released. As the preceeding months habve seen every conceivable type of Bond-related hype, papers are left writing articles on the Bond theme songs that never were.

I'm sure I've seen a piece on this already (I know, I'm such a media tart. It comes with the job.). But this one highlights the awesomeness that is St. Etienne's take on Tomorrow Never Dies.

Some clever and nice person on the youboobs has kindly chucked this up against the opening credits of the film- and it's ruddy good. laid back and lovely:

My favourite from that era was Pulp's version, which eventually found its way on the James Arnold theme tune project.

As already reported, I still the awfulness that is McDonald should have had a go. You know, fer a laugh. Because it'd be shite.

Bugger. I can't find anything else shiny and fun on the internets now. Dammit. That's it! Close up the shop! Turn off the web! Digital life is O.V.A.H!

I need things to cheer me today. Feeling slightly exposed and raw after seeing the literally breathtaking War Horse last night. Reader(s), I am not ashamed to admit I spent most of the last fifteen minutes in an undignified mess of snot and tears. It was brilliant. Forgive the luvvie outburst but the staging was one of the most spectacular things I have ever seeeeeen. I suppose part of it was using a children's tale and pulling out all the stops on it. It knew where to hit the emotional punches. BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT ANIMALS. Gahh...

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Because this, comrades, is some serious choonage

Wild Beasts - Brave Bulging Buoyant Clairvoyants. Dir: OneInThree from OneInThree on Vimeo.

Yes. Yes, we like. We LIKE LOTS.

This is Wild Beasts. And this track deserves to do very well thank you please. I believe it has actually been out before, with a different video and stuff, but I'm pleased it's obviously got some marketing money being pumped into it now.

ALL CREDIT HERE to Lady Donna, as always one of the most important people in my universe,* who came back from summer festivals positively frottaging about this song. And with good cause.

Champion on!

UPDATE: Bête pointed out I missed finishing off a sentence in this post. I have rectified this. I should really blog with less haste.

* Yes. You are ranked. All of you.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Train, wash away my sorrow, take away my pain..

Coventry train station has a Ladies Waiting Room. For Ladies. The temptation to get a bit David Walliams was great.

Is this a hangover from British Rail, or a return to some old-school rail travel etiquette? Will porters, smoking carriages and Celia Johnson all be returning to the rails in the coming months...? Will this affect my ticket price??

I've been doing a lot of traveling for work. Not Paris, Milan or New York. No no no. Coventry.

UPDATE: LIzzie has rightly pointed out in the comments the good uses Ladies Lounge's have. Maybe Coventry should invest in a Boy's Shed too...?

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Civic leaders! Heed my wise words about lampshades and mood lighting.

So, right, Knitting Teacher and I threw caution to the wind, laughed in the face of our fledgling relationship status and embarked upon a mini-break.

I shoud like to make it clear that the words 'mini' and 'break' were at no point uttered, thus decorating the venture with altogether more edge, mystery and adventure.

(Basically, what we did was spend three days playing viciously competitive Scrabble and drinking in a static caravan in Newhaven. Glamour be damned, it was ruddy good fun.*)

But it has left me with a ethical dilemma; being officially On Holiday was the perfect excuse for trying out as many pubs as possible in the local area. So I can say this with some degree of expertise. I'm not talking one or two watering holes. THEY WERE ALL RUINED. RUINED!! And by what? Energy-saving lightbulbs.

Now I am totally all for environmental measures, efficiency, recycling and imporving the way we live our lives and run our societies to help halt the murderous impact the human race is having on the planet. And I have an enormous amount of faith in humanity - I really believe we can be better, and that small things make a big difference.

But that doesn't mean that this needs to damage my in-pub drinking experience.

It was like trying to enjoy a quiet pint in a dentist's reception. Not relaxing. Has no one invented a tinted energy bulb? Do landlords not consider candlelight? Or getting some better-fitting light fittings**?

We reckon the clever Bods at Seaford have sponsored an energy efficiency scheme to put a spanner in the entertainment industry of its neighbours. It worked. All the pubs were pretty deserted.

It bothers me enormously that once lovely, cosy places to have a drink and a natter have turned into clinical, sterile hellmouths.


Of course, possibly the South Coast needs two drunk, toff-ish sounding people in their late twenties putting its towns to rights and criticising its nightlife like it needs a tsunami in the Channel. But we escaped unharmed. Unless that insect bite incurred while roaming across the countryside like two people desperately pretending they are in an Austen adaptation is something more sinister.***

Oh crap. I sound like such a prick of a Londoner... I should be banned from leaving the M25 region for a bit.

UPDATE: No, I wasn't kitted out like Guy Ritchie, mmkay?

* Apart from wandering into a business park late a night by accident.

** Better fitting.. yes that does scan.

*** Much humour was generated by the fact that many place names near hills were appended with the word 'bottom'. EG, Poverty Bottom. I had to literally stop, sit down and laugh for ten minutes before I could carry on. Pity poor Knitting Teacher, who actually grew up in the countryside.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Minor Things Making the Global Financial Crisis Slightly More Acceptable - Part Two

Excuses to re-live 1990.

I'm unpacking my school uniform and preparing to tape the bits I like off the top forty countdown as we speak.

Boz ponders: would curtains suit me again...?

Answer: No.

(Seriously though - has anyone else been watching Beautiful People on BBC2? I have. And I like it. I can't work out if I'm just guiltily enjoying it because it's a bit gay, or because of the utterly brilliant Olivia Coleman. Either way it feels wrong and bit dirty. But still I watch. Because it makes me laugh.)

Friday, October 17, 2008

Friday meme type laziness type thing

Okay I'm stealing this excellent meme from Vicus. Largely because it's Friday and I'm tired and I can't be arsed to think of anything to post.

(I know, I shouldn't have to actually think of things. I should just write whatever and be interesting about it. ALAS.)

Heres the memey-meme:

1. Put your music player on shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must put down the song name no matter what.

Party tape, here we go:

What would best describe your personality?

Only Love Can Break Your Heart - St Ettienne
(Well. Yes. But poverty and bad cooking can make me grumpy.)

What do you like in a guy/girl?

Wicked Soul (Tim Bran Remix) - Kubb
(And the fact that it is a remix again tells you all you need know about this blogger)

How do you feel today?

42 - Coldplay
(See! I told you I was tired. I'm peaky. And grumpy. A bit.)

What is your life's purpose?

Satin Chic (Through the Mystic mix) - Goldfrapp & The Flaming Lips
(Cor. I think my iPhone knows I'm a big hommer.)

What is your motto?

Show - Girls Aloud

What do your friends think of you?

'88 Aka Come On Down On Me - Lemon Jelly
(Do they? DO THEY!?? Am paranoid now.)

What do you think of your parents?

Endless Love (Royksopp Remix) - Frost
(... in a none touching of special places type way, I should add. Ahhh.)

What do you think about very often?

Bad Ambassador - The Divine Comedy

What do you think of your best friend?

Paradise (Lost and Found) -= Just jack
(Yey! Very true. of most of my friends, actually. GUSH.)

What do you think of your crush?

Skeewiff vs, Big Les - Skeewiff
(Hmm... poor knitting teacher..)

What is your life story?

Here We Go - Stakka Bo
(Oh christly christ...)

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Snakes in the Grass - Quantic
(AHA! Skullduggery and coolness and spying and samples. Yes yes YES. This meme is just the thing)

What do you think when you see your crush?

Lujon - Henry Macini

What do your parents think of you?

Cemeteries of London - Coldplay
(Coldplay! Again! Feck off out of my miserable existence, Martin! With your commentary on my world.. bah...)

What do strangers think of you?

I Will Survive - Cake
(Although annoyingly it's the clean version on iChoons because I lost the CD single I used to have years ago. I should have changed my fucking lock.)

How's your love life?

Don't You Want Me - The Human League
(The knitting teacher was working as a waiter in a cocktail bar, when I met him...)

What will they play at your funeral?

Gabriel - Lamb
(Ooooo not a bad choice. I'm thinking of specifying Brave Bulging Clairvoyants by Wild Beasts in my will. Or maybe Daphne & Celeste...)

What will you dance to at your wedding?

Theme of Luxury - Fantastic Plastic Machine
(Yes, yes, YES! Although uncivil partnership, if you please. Still reminds me of the magical Spaced.)

What is your hobby/interest?

The Weight Of My Words (Four Tet Remix) - Kings Of Convenience
(Which would make me think really egotistically of this blog. Although, hmm, words. Many a true word said in jest.

What's your biggest secret?

The Stalker Pt. 1 - The Frank Popp Ensemble
(So spookily accurate it's actually not funny. I'm a little bit afraid of my iPhone now. IT KNOWS.)

What do you think of your friends?

One Of Us - ABBA
(Ahem. I am minded to point out my friends are not all male, bummerists, middle-class and Londoners. 'Kay?)

What song do you listen to when you are sad?

Dirty Soul - Shed Seven
(Uhh... no.)

In love?

Stupid Girl - Garbage
(Stupid GirlS, maybe..? How unkind.)

What song do you air guitar to?

Not Over yet (Perfecto Mix) - Planet Perfecto feat. Grace
(YEAH YEAH YEAH!! Or at least air rave-arms-in-the-air in my living room to my iPod. YOU BETCHA! WOOT!!)

What should be your signature karaoke song?

Watch me Go - Girls Aloud

What is your greatest desire?

Clair De Lune - Chris Coco & Sacha Puttnam
(Hmm... a bit of peace and quiet? Sounds about right at the moment. Or possibly a Jazz FM chllout collection not available in the shops to buy.)

What does next year have in store for you?

Entertain Me - Blur
(Unlikely, I fear)

What's your outlook on life?

(Okay I will admit to skipping ANOTHER FRICKIN' Coldplay song)

The Fun lovin' Criminal - The Fun Lovin' Criminals
(Smart like John Steed? Hell yeah. One of my mates once met the lead dude in FLC when very drunk. She pulled his hat of and rubbed his bald head. Oh dear.)

How will you die?

Tico Tico - The Andrews Sisters
(On a DATE!? Oh how mortifying..)

Do people secretly lust after you?

Jack - Michael Nyman
(It's a sad song. Let's just say no and be done with it, shall we?)

The best advice you will ever get?

Bath - The Divine Comedy
(oh fer fucks sake...)

So. There we are. An interesting mix... and an odd selection from the old iPhone. Hah!

I'm not tagging others, in the spirit if Vicus. Do it if you want to!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Scotty looks really MARDY

Little. Bits. Of. Fanboy. Wee. EVERYWHERE.


Wednesday, October 15, 2008

It's not even double spaced

I had a new job description this week.

It runs to eight pages.

Eight pages!

I bet even the CEO of Lehman Bros. has a shorter job descrip... oh.

I am thinking of running away and joining a circus.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Minor Things Making the Global Financial Crisis Slightly More Acceptable - Part One

Perhaps, now the business world has realised that capitalism has some quite major flaws, next August my bank will choose not to send me a birthday card. The most stunning piece of direct-mail* recrement to pop through my letterbox in many a week. Trying to flog me financial services! On my birthday! OH THE HUMANITY!

I mean really. What were they thinking? Riled me up a treat. Luckily, being the happy-go-lucky late twenties scamp that I am**, I got more than one birthday card. If I hadn't, this might well have tipped me over the edge. AND THEN HOW WOULD HSBC FEEL, HMM?

Well. Not much, probably. Apart from a mild concern about who would pay off my overdraft. I have debt. Banks therefore quite like me. This is wrong - see the main pages of most newspapers at the moment.

Meanwhile - Hooray for all the blindingly ace people who have accepted the Adopt-A-Word challenge. You are all amazing and I love you and I haven't spent nearly enough time on the intermawebs telling you this. I have not found the opportunity to use the first one I gave myself yet. I will. OH YES I WILL.

UPDATE: I am not the only one tackling the financial crisis - Delrico and La Bête are also on theme.

* Apologies in advance to Patroclus, who if she had seen the literature in questions, I'm sure would agree that was an insult to professional copywriters everywhere. ***

** Lying is acceptable when not from a Bank.

*** No I still haven't worked out tiny text on Blogger. Things to do to while away the autumnal evenings of mellow mists and pointlessness...

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

In which Boz retreats from the looming financial crisis to play with obscure words and the blogosphere

Here's a thing. Dictionary compilers Collins have launched a campaign to save some of the words fading out of use.

There was a really interesting article in The Times last week about this, with a nifty graphic of some of the words. But neither Google nor its own search engine can find this on their website, only the letters in rspose to it.


(Oh. Here it is. But I had to search for one of the words in question! Fools...)

Here's a piece from the Torygraph instead.

Now I'm no purist. I'm all about language changing and adapting (mostly thanks to studying Brian Friel at A-Level - hurrah for sixth form college). Archaic etymology has just as much of a place in the language as text speak (although you probably need one grammar system to hang the whole thing together, or we'd all get confused)*. But the awesome thing about the English language is we have a huuuuge range of words to choose from, to help make ourselves understood, enlighten the world and express culture. Or at least help us win more games of Scrabble.

So long as 'chillax' isn't in immediate danger, I'm actually not too stressed out.

But, here's a Fun Thing. Times readers are being asked to vote for their favourite from the widely circulated list, but instead, I thought how about if we could get bloggers to adopt a word? After all, even if one person understands a word, and uses it once in six months - that would already go some way to keeping it 'alive'.

So who wants to play ADOPT-A-WORD?

I have taken the diabolical liberty of dishing out some words from the list to various bloggers. Go on!** If you're tagged - use the word once on your blog in the coming months, that would be awesome. And if you link back here, that's be fantastic to.

Right them, here we go (BTW - no offence is meant in any of the dishings out):

Mansuetude (gentleness or mildness) for Betty
Caliginosity (dimness or darkness) for Geoff
Roborant (tending to fortify or increase strength) for James (who should have no excuse being a proper, paid writer and everyfink)
Griseous (streaked or mixed with grey; somewhat grey) for JulaBerry/LaLa
Vilipend (to treat or regard with contempt) for Doris
Compossible (possible in coexistence with something else) for Zefrog
Caducity (perishableness; senility) for Michael
Malison (a curse) for Dark Looks (who probably knows all these anyway.

I'll take Skirr (a whirring or grating sound, as like the wings of a bird in flight).

Bonus points for the best uses! GO ADOPT-A-WORD BLOGGERS!

Don't they all sound marvellous??

Any takers? If anyone else wants to play - COME JOIN US. And leave a nitid comment in the comment box.

Scrabbling on...

UPDATE: I have corrected some but possibly not all of the awful typos in this post...

* Famously I'm quite confused anyway.
** Please?

Monday, September 29, 2008

Now, I'm no Professor of Economics...

Look kids! The global economy. It's all about numbers.

Unfortunately I was bit rubbish at numbers at school. So to me it's all...

Service Update

I sneakily snuck and upgraded my Blogger template so I could follow the digital herd* and do the funky sidebar thing with all the jazzy blog updates and such.

It was remarkably easy and stress free. All I seem to have lost is the extra box at the bottom with the "If I cannot dance I want no part of your revolution" quote by Emma Goldman. But as she probably said something slightly less catchy in reality, and it's been turned into a song by the marvellous Sophie Ellis Bextor**, then maybe the time had come for it to move along anyway.

So, in essence, HURRAH for Blogger and BOO to the evil overlord Wordpress, which is clearly brainwashing Bloggers everywhere into joining The Dark Side***.

(Wordpress is probably great. I'm just bitter. With lemons.)

* I'm always at least several steps behind on the Blogosphere. I've never even bothered to look up how to make my text all small, like proper footnotes. How lazy is that?

** WARNING: By clicking on this 'hyperlink' you may inadvertently be exposed to some unexpected Ben Shepherd. Sorry 'bout that. But I have at least warned you.

*** Although mostly the white and, like, nicely clean and simply side, in reality.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Next week: State Sponsored Craft Camps..

Can anyone actually give me a good reason why we are splitting people in the same country into those who carry ID Cards and those who don't?

Because I will be dammed if I have an ID card in 2011.

I hate my Government for this.


Thankfully Shami Chakrabarti is on hand for some common sense.

Thank you rant over.

* Their actual name. I'm not at all biased and judgemental in my political views. At ALL. Buttheystolemymilk. And I grew up in that kind of Household. I thought Thatcher was an actual robot for a number of months.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

What is it about newsreaders?

My flatmate has been campaigning for years to get Moira Stuart as a baddie on Doctor Who. First The Adventure Game, now tax return adverts.

We're one step closer, peoples.

Steven Moffatt take heed!

She would be amazing though. I can't find her appearance on Have I Got News for You on youtube which was also hilarious. Some spunky young comic suggests she would be amazing in the bedroom, and she parries immediately with "You'll never know.".


Friday, September 19, 2008

It's a grower!*

I see the new Bond Theme has surfaced online**.

Boz Likes! Not that that is in any way the seal of approval the high production values demanded, but it's awwwwlright. Bit stompy. Bit different. Bit like 2 Hearts by Brave Kylie*** but with a few more instraments behind it. White and Keyes go well together, and I bet it works a treat on the credits. My money is on it doing okay.

I can't believe I just said 'a bit like Kylie'.

(I should add my favourite Bond theme is probably the one by Lulu, so my judgement is not to be trusted.)

Round my way we are only disappointed that they didn;t go with our artist suggestion, which was using Jayne McDonald.

It would have been shite obviously, but funny. As Little Driker impersonated, she'd just belt out the song title:

"Quantun of Solaaaaace! Er. I once flew Qantus! It means a little bit of... solace!"


Anyway, next time I'm pretending I'm a global SuperSpy while picking up some detergent and Brillo Pads from Saisnburys, this will no doubtr be what I'm playing in my head.

The Jack & Alicia one, not McDonald one.

* Stop that sniggering at the back.
** Which I only link to here for sample purposes while it lasts etc etc, do download a propoer paid for version if you like it blah blah blah.
*** Copyright Popjustice.

Sort of news titbits sort of thing

Rugby hearthrob becomes poster boy for quantum physics! (swoon)*

Literature repositioned as medicine for the masses! Which of course they always were. Isn't there a fictional PM who turns to Austen in times of crisis? I know how he feels. The Bloomsbury place sounds excellent though, so I'll definitely give it a whirl.

Also, it appears that having a baby is a great way to boost web traffic.

Any offers?

* Actually less of that. Knitting Teacher has found this blog. Awooga! Awooga! Although he has said he wants to discover me without using the blog. Which is lucky really, because quite what conclusions anyone would draw from this collection of random thoughts is worrying. Swoon again, though.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

"Is that God? Oh no, just Jeremy Paxman."

Award for the best picture to illustrate a news story of the week.

I quite like it when things go a bit arse over apex in The Glamorous World of Telly. I was raised on an era of children's telly that was so wonderfully shoddy around the edges that things frequently went wrong. Therefore it is heartening to know that some of the UK's most slick media machines can have the odd tropical moment.

And it's not as if the dear old Beeb is only one. At all.

Channel 4's first few weeks were such a cack-handed entry into the televisual world that Hamlet famously parodied it in an advert.

I am quite happy to see my license fee being spent making some hapless presenter sweat under their make-up as something goes horrible wrong.

So hurrah to all the piss-poor turns on telly. After all, we're all only human.

Someone stop me if I start turning into Dennis Norden. Although that's probably preferable to the old lady I appear to be morphing into (cake baking! knitting!).

So. Yes. Not many adventures happening in Boz land today. I've had to resort to the outside world. Next week watch as we uncover what happened to the three party system in the UK (....where are the Lib Dems? On anything? At all??).

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Mother called

"Why am I the last person in the family to find out you've been seeing someone for a month?!"


That'll learn to rush off and make dinner when I call.

Monday, September 08, 2008

And now I know... so it's in my head

Thanks to my wonderful friend Rob, this horrible problem about the male part of the lyrics to That's Not My Name, by Indie band du jour* The Ting Tings, is SOLVE-ED.

So, here for the rest of the world to find out about much more easily than I could, and to prevent others from standing in the shower shouting "WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, MAN??" at the grouting, are the Boz-approved lyrics for the male part of the most-catchy song:

"The song is in my head
Now it's in my mind
Call it, reach it, get some words and get some timing
Though I realise
I cannot emphasise
Sittin round with just a promise, nothing binding
And can't you see,
That you're so desperately
Standing joking like a local one-liner
Instead I sit alone
This song is monotone
I gotta get some soul, I gotta get some feeling.

And breathe... relax... think of the sound of the sea...

* By which I mean the Grauniad run profiles of them.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

The Joy of Wool

So the knitting continues apace. I can knit and purl now. After a few disastrous first-trys where stichest kept vanishing into the ether and reappearing in just as random a fashion.

I have jazzy red needles.

So now I’m ready to try my first actual pattern, and seeing as I need something basic, and can do something good at the same time, I’ve picked the Innocent Big Knit. It’s fairly straightforward, it seems, and what's the point of knitting if you can't feel warm and fuzzy on the inside*. How far wrong can I go??

So obviously I need some more wool. And where does a debonair young metrosexualalist** such as myself go shopping for wool. WE GO TO LIBERTYS OF COURSE. High class haberdashery.

Knitting Teacher, who was raised by a woman who owned her own knitting shop, led me around the shelves of coloured balls. Pattern books were legion.

He surveyed the neatly arranged kingdom of buttons and riboons and fabric.

Knitting teacher: “This is just what home was like. Except there was a box of toys for kids. And the shelves were not quite as classy. I could spend a lot of time here,” (he said, while flicking through a knitting pattern catalogue that was trying very hard to make perfectly nice jumpers look unnecessarily sexy.)

Let's hope it doesn't all go a bit weird. Um. Yes. That is truly odd. And I bet that little girl was a right Madam...

Today I have busily been joining lots of knitting e-newsletter mailing lists.

In other home imporovement news, flatmate bought and had delivered last night a MOST SPLENDID coffee table. From this place here. It was laser cut or something on the day it was delivered, which is well-flashy in my world.

It is clearly the nicest thing by far in our flat. We looked at it for a while. Then tried puttiing different coloured objects on it to see how they looked. And then looked at at it in awe for some more. IS NICE.

Boz: “I feel a little as if we’ve had a baby.”

Flatmate: “Only more fun. And better looking.”


* Without having to actually interact with any smelly old people (sorry Gran).
** We’re probably not supposed to be metrosexuals anymore. I just don’t know what the next thing I’m supposed to be is. Emo-ette? Urban gay? Trouser Enthusiast? Style Emoticon?

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Into the wilds...

Well I spent my weekend eating enormous amounts of excellent food and getting drunk with friends in Wales. It was awesome! But probably a bit tedious for you to read about 'in-depth'*, so I'm just giving you the major highlight:

Dolphins! Actual dolphins! I have never seen such things in the wild before - so was very excited on the hill we were perched on at the coast. Catching them on my camera was difficult, but clicky-click on the picture above, look at the black smudge in the middle and feel my jubilation.

And now the short week has started, here I am at my desk and already I am covered in nonsense and confronted with all sorts of fresh hell.

"Fox's wife, Vicky, was a shoe designer and a former protege of Jimmy Choo. She has retrained as a yoga instructor. "She is unfeasibly supple," volunteers Fox, rather unnecessarily."

(c/o this interview)


I think I speak for the world at large as I declare that this is far too much information.

* Largely because any "hilarious" witticism s have probably been lost for good in a mix of alcohol and fresh air, and were only really funny for people who have known each other for years anyway. I'm cutting my losses.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Outrage update

Clearly, it is silly season and apart from the 'Lympics there isn't much news around. At all.

But it's good to see that the quiet spell is allowing the book age banding debate to get some further airing.

The chattering classes at war with themselves. Watch and see - the revolution is coming, comrades. There will be fighting in the streets. Possibly over recycling or access to early-morning yoga classes. Radio 4 will be outlawed and have to broadcast from a dingy in the channel. Suspicious undercover Au Pairs with mannerisms straight from 'Allo 'Allo* will start appearing on the streets.

The end is nigh! And possibly organic!

* Mwah Mwah..?

Monday, August 18, 2008

Purl and spleen

Mmmm what a nice busy week off work.

I've seen this at the British Museum. Which leads to wonder if having a slight crush on a long-gone Roman emperor is entirely healthy. He seemed like quite a nice, clever dude. PR-led statues aside, a few lines of his reflective poetry written contemplating the near termination of his life at the end of the exhibition reduced me to tears:

"Little soul, little wanderer, little charmer, Body's guest and companion, To what places will you set out now?
To darkling, cold and gloomy ones - And you won't be making your usual jokes.

The 2008 BP Portrait award was also very good again this year - although there was a distressing amount of painting one's wife or girlfriend. Lovely and everything, but perhaps not the most absorbing or stimulating of subjects. Ooo that sounds harsh, but I definitely preferred the portraits with subjects who were less connected to the painter. I wonder why. Perhaps I have intimacy issues.

The over to the Southwark Playhouse for some theatre. This was good, but I'm not very familiar with the Moll Flanders story and Lady Donna assured me they had done their best to remove the vim, vigor and vitality of the women. But the staging was fun and it was an okay evening. A Restoration Greek chorus was kinda cool - can I have one, do we think? Plus I'm really glad to have ticked off the Playhouse as I hadn't been before. And for £7 you actually can't go wrong, really. So I shouldn't carp. But, er, I just have. Damn.

All this and I'm sleeping with my knitting teacher.*

Thankfullly I was able to counterbalance all this cultural activity with several bottles of wine and The X Factor on Saturday. And the ITV2 spin-off programme (Holly Willoughby - actually something of a revelation; she has got a personality after all! And a good one! And was funny and shizz! You would never have known this from Dancing On Ice).

Also, best comeback in a musical spat of the week - go The Ronson! I am on his side partly because the notion of either Gallagher brother accusing anyone else of derivative music is frankly hilarious, and also my sister has a big crush on him. These factors have over-ridden my teenage enjoyment of Definitely, Maybe. Which lets face it was a while ago now.

So that's me at the moment. Knit on.

UPDATE: Shit, I baked a not-too-shabby carrot cake too (after discovering halfway through making the mixture I didn't have a cake tin, going out, buying one, coming home, baking the blasted thing (also - revelation - CHEESE in ICING. Amaaaazing.)). Knitting? Cardigans? Baking? Unsuitably crushes on dead emperors? I am evolving into a glorious old grannie. AND I LOVE IT.

* The marketing strategy worked - hurrah.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Idea stolen shamelessly from dinner party chit-chat.

Sara and Stan are unpacking, having clearly just moved house. They are in their early thirties. Sara is sorting through boxes in the living room.

Stan enters.

STAN: "...I can't find the thingummy to do the wotsit flaps."

SARA: "It's in the box marked "stuff'" Pause. "Hun?"


SARA: "Have you seen that religious triptych?"

STAN: "The plastic one? With the faux-3D rendering of the crucifiction?"

SARA: "Yeah. That that Nun my mum knows gave us at the wedding."

STAN: "I gave it to Oxfam."

SARA: "What? When!?"

STAN: "2003."

SARA: "Oh no!!"

STAN: "What? What's the problem? You hated it. It was vile. You were the one who put it in storage. It's not like you're religious."

SARA: "But I'm Catholic. And now I feel guilty! We were given that by an actual nun! On our wedding day!"

STAN: "She'll never know."

SARA "But I know."

STAN: "It's not like a TV license. I don't think they have a database. The guilt won't travel through the air like mobile phone signals..."

The doorbell goes. They look at each other.

SARA: "Actually, have we transferrred the TV license yet?"

STAN: "No. I'm not sure I can flush the 14 inch down the toilet."

SARA (muttering to herself): "Not for the first time."

They open the door. There is a small nun in a blue habit staring at them like thunder. She has a jolly blue clipboard.

SARA: "Sister!"

NUN: "Felicitations. We have been monitoring the area and we notice we are not picking up a religious artifact in your house... according to our records you were given a triptych of the Christ. Do you have this for inspection?"

SARA: "I'm sorry, siister?"

NUN: "We have been inspecting the area.."

STAN: "Inspecting?"

NUN: "Yes." She pauses then waves behind her vaguely. There is a battered TV van with a massive cone arial on top, clearly like the fake TV detector vans of our youth. An older nun sits in the front. Having never worn big headphones before she has slightly the wrong idea and has them on upside down. She waves cheerily.

NUN: "We are here to collect payment."

STAN: "But how did you..."


Sara and Stan look at her blankly.

STAN: "I'm sorry?"

NUN: "Your first born! If you cannot produce the sacred artifact entrusted to your care..."

SARA: "We don't have any children."

STAN: "The upstairs landing doesn't even have floorboards."

The Nun pauses. A bit let down. She makes the best of it.

NUN: "Any favourite pets?" (There is a hoot from the van, inspiration strikes) "Or any cakes? We always need cakes for the work of our saviour."

SARA: "Not really."

She looks disappointed. Four quick hoots in a row from the van sound quite urgent.

NUN: "Could Sister Bridget perhaps then use your downstairs facilities? She can't climb. It's the sciatica."

STAN: "Um. We can't find the toiletroll..."

NUN: "It's in the box marked 'More Stuff'. Is there a brew on?" (She charges past them into the house. Sara and Stan look at each other)

Monday, August 04, 2008

This is just brilliant!

Was hanging out at the Innocent Village Fete on Saturday. Was good fun; lots of nice food, nice drinks, free things and other such middle-class treats (macrame your own plants, grow your own babygrow, colour supplements - the new green alternative to muesli, is truffle hunting the new yoga? etc etc.)*.

Frolicking about in the sunshine some music reached our ears from one of the big top tents. We were chatting away when... wassatt... is that? ... but that's a brass band, they can't be playing late 90s dance riffs and acid house choons?!

This, my friends, is JUST THE THING. I urge you to check out The Fairey Band and their Acid Brass project. I have rashly ordered a CD** and am verymuchlookingforward to popping it onto my iPod. I love this kind of stuff. Interesting cover versions by unusual people are just my bag, baby. One day I'll do a post on here of my favourite ever covers versions (after some very, VERY careful thought).

Also, it's a good antidote to some of the tracks I have downloaded from the excellent score to The Dark Knight, which I saw on Saturday. I have discovered that the music is excellent for striding down the high street, full of brooding intensity and purpose, but also makes me feel slightly tense and constipated. Sort of full of portentous dread on a heavily red-meat based diet.

Anyway. I've given up booze-based drinking for a bit***, so we're expecting this distressing spate of rapid blog postings to continue.

* Although we did see an actual instance of pram-rage. Nasty. Worringly I also found myself automatically on the side of the parents, not the child-free couple. I must be getting on in life. But then we also saw one women, mid field, shouting at her two year old "Allegra! ALLEGRA! Leave that young man selling The Times alone!"

** I am a slave to whimsey and frippery.

*** Because my father came down to stay for a night and broke me. And he insisted we catch taxis to places and carry on drinking. And then drink some more. And, as usual, he was up with the larks and bounding around at 7am.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Everyone loves a good protest

Saddling up the high horse and touching up the war paint as I type.*

12 Point Michael has reminded me about the most worthy campaign to stop pointless age ranges being branded onto books.

I mean honestly. Next you'll be saying we have books for blond people and books for male people. How utterly pointless. Books are for everyone. They might resonate with people, they might not. You pick a book up and start reading, if you hate it, you stop. A book is a collection of experiences and thoughts and feelings and a thing of magnificence. when I was younger I read books made with people my age in mind, and I read books written for adults. I enjoyed both. I certainly learnt more. And the idea my parents would take a book away from me is anathema**. How can you form a balanced world view if you haven't had other points of view and perspectives? How can you widen your horizons?

It's all a bit patronising, isn't it?

No one is going to stop me reading Harry Potter, so what right do I have to stop a fourteen year old reading a supposedly 'grown up' book.

Anyway. Rant off...

* Sorry, but Manscara is surely the name of a sci-fi villainous overlord. Guy Liner is an estate agent in Milton Keynes.
** Tellingly they recommended Armisted Maupin, who I used to faithfully reread almost every summer.

Friday, August 01, 2008

A local update for local people

Because basically I've noticed I haven't talked about Clapham for a while.

1. They're re-phased the traffic lights outside Sainsbury's so you don't have to wait until all of your freshly brought ice-cream has melted before you can cross the road.

2. It is quite hot. This has brought out a rash of flying ants and slightly smug couples - are the two related?

3. The strange and, um, quite large lady is still peeing up against the side of Londis. Can someone perhaps ask her to do this elsewhere?

4. They've done a very shiny refurbishment of the Clapham Picture House - and the ticket booth is also the magnificent sweet and drink counter of goodness, so you don't have to queue twice. HOW SENSIBLE IS THAT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

5. Everyone in the office went OOOOOOOO last month when spotted Oliver Chris of Green Wing and other such telly fame having a quiet moment outside a nearby buildling.

Jog on! As most people seem to do round here. If you have a reasonably normal body shape and size it's quite possible to feel fundamentally inadequate as a human being just by popping out to get some tea. Honestly. Are they giving out gym membership with Osyter card top-ups...

"My lovely horse. My lovely horse" etc.

Bugger the eclipse - more unusual portents are upon us.

I find myself in total agreement with Katie "Jordan" Price. I never expected this situation to occur.

These are strange times. I fully expect a shower of incapacitated amphibians at any moment. Or someone to telephone me and tell me they have three quarters of a pineapple.

All my planets are out of sync.

Take heed of the signs, my friends. Take heed...

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I was a bit bored at work today..

But this cheered me right up!

It's like Portal but with a wabbit.

I know. Bad Blogger Boz time. Watch this space...

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Adventures with Funbus (and Neil Young)

Step one: Procure a friend with a FunBus.
Step two: Summer.
Step three: Add friends but only the vaguest sense of actual direction.
Step four: Rediscover that bits of Kent* are actually quite nice.
Step five: Ignore rain at any festivals you attend.


To be honest, Neil Young was an amazing performer but didn't really do it for me. But Supergrass were ace. And I am now a truly British person for I have stayed at a proper British campsite. It was good. I was expecting it to be all Carry On and seedy, but it was great.

Well. Up until the owner started talking about how various bits of Kent* had been ruined by the invasion of "The Foreigners".

Oh dear.

* "The county that sounds most like..."

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

The all-important questions of the day (apologies in advance to the tourist board)

Sometimes my job throws up some interesting questions. We get requests flying across the intermawebs from journalists, poor hapless souls, looking for answers to life's dilemmas and insolvable problems.

Falling distinctly into this latter category, selected inboxes all over the country had the following plaintive plea from a certain business publication today:

1. What are the benefits for you/your firm/staff/customers/suppliers of
being based in Crawley?

2. What are your concerns about Crawley from a business point of view?

3. How do you see Crawley developing as a business hub?

I do pity the poor chap working on this article. I really do. Polishing turds is difficult.

My answers (MEANESS ALERT) as follows:

1. Few and diminishing.
2. It’s a hole.
3. Very much dependent on the rest of the UK being wiped out by nuclear fallout.

Poor Crawley. But really. Anyone got betters ones? In the comments, please...

Friday, June 27, 2008

"Come the fuck in or fuck the fuck off."

Non-breaking news alert: how on earth did this fantastic news manage to slip under my radar, out of the asylum and into the wilds of the world?

I reeeeeeally hope the film version doesn;t lose some of the minor characters from the TV series. Or maybe they'll include the third party camp! The last episode with the opposition was utterly brilliant. The scene when they are running around trying to find a TV is hilarious.

Or Robyn Murdoch saying she had never been in a girls toilet before.

Or Ben Swain's nervous twitch.

Genius! Some timely repeats of The Thick of It on BBC4 please.

UPDATE: Also Mars could become the biggest asparagus farm in the universe. Amazing... happy weekending everyone...

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Feet, feet everywhere...

This intriguing story prompts a million questions and a wild flight of fancy with possible stories.

Although ultimately it is probably not a happy one. Still, I suppose until the real reason is uncovered, then that's up to the writer, right?

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Things to make and do on a sunny afternoon

Step one. Find old plastic soup container.

Carve whole in bottom, avoiding cutting off fingers.

Steal stones from other plant pots (shhhh).

Fill with com-pom-post.

Remove Natasha Bedingfield from the radio.

Find the thingummies you bought a while back.

Plant 'em. Water 'em.

Wait for magic to happen.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

And not a single mash-up, either

I have been memed by Oli! I'm terrible excited. I work so much better to a brief and it is nice to have some blog love. Plus I have two really big (honest) posts coming up, so it's nice to have something a bit less daunting to work on on this vaguely sunny morning.

The task is thus:

"List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now, shaping your spring. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs."*

RIGHT! (scuttles off to examine his iPod) HERE WE GO.

Queens of the Stone Age - The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret
I bumbled across this on the internet, and it sounded pretty cool so... okay. I give up. I hereby confess I downloaded this from iTunes because I heard it on Doctor Who Confidential, okay? I may lose all cool but dammit it's catchy. With some crunchy geee-tar riffs and nifty lyrics. Aww-right.

The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name
Because it's a brilliant piece of rocky punk-pop and insanely catchy. And because I cannot stop listening to it until I work out what the bloke is singing over the last two verses. I MUST KNOW. I have a bit of a 'thing' about lyrics. Can't remember the names of some of my good friends, their recent social history or any useful information like where I left my passport, but can recite all the lyrics to Birdhouse In Your Soul and Supercalifragilisticexpealliocious (yes even the bit when she says it backwards because she cheats and merely reverses the order of syllables and changes 'Super' to 'Rupes'. I know these things.).

Planet Perfecto featuring Grace - Not Over Yet
This is probably thekind of thing that is featured a lot on adverts for triple-disc 90s dance anthhologies you can't buy in the shops.
Don't care. Am waving my hands in the air, alas sans glow sticks. Wicked to do the washing up to, I have found. How my life has changed in my late twenties.

Vitamin String Quartet - Mister Brightside
In fact, actually, and how, almost anything by this excellent covers outfit. I just really dig string versions of pop chooons (blame that bit in Batman Returns where Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle get down to an orchestra's take on MC Hammer. Wicked!). See also their versions of Smells Like Teen Spirit, Crazy in Love, Cool (Gwen Stefani) and LSF. Top drawer!

Nancy SInatra and Lee Hazlewood - Summer Wine.
Because it's pure sex! And summery! First put on a compilation tape made by bezzy mate Donna many moons ago, it's still a top player, and I've just downloaded for my iPod so am bopping along to it a LOT. S'a bit dirty. Hur hur hur. Plus strawberries, cherries and an angel's kiss in spring should BE an actual drink.

Cut Copy - Feel The Love
I have only just got my grubby mitts on this album, so I have not given all the tracks a good listen - but this lovely opener is a bit Bent-ish and very catchy. Could well be The Sound Of The Summer, if kept away from Radio 1. We likey.

Simian Mobile Disco - Sleep Deprivation
I hope I never tire of this song. It's definitely a 'get up and dance like a loon' number. In my head I have directed a fabulous video to this, with people in 17th century flamboyant costume doing breakdancing in a ballroom. Yes - Sophie Muller's career is quite safe. Anyway. I highly recommend this for getting up and jumping about.

And gosh I'm all done.

See this is interesting, because I look at that list and I would not say it is indicative of my (hopefully) broad church** of musical taste. But rocking out to them I am (Yoda??).

So! On to the joyful task of tagging other people. Well, it's quite difficult to find any of you buggers who haven't already done this. But I'm setting the task for:

Annie (even though she has just done a meme about five)
Julaberry (even though I think she has done it before)
La Bête
Geoff (because it'll be really interesting)
AceDiscoVery (because music is important there)
Cheeser (even though he's just done one about albums)

Go to it, kids.

* Observant bloggers will notice I have altered the final sentence; changing '7' to 'seven'. This is because I am an anal twit, and it has been drummed into me by several CEOs that any number under 11 gets spelled out in full.
** Even Charlotte if I'm in the right frame of mind.***
*** Frame Of Mind is not a gay club. It probably should be though.