Thursday, March 27, 2008

Major life altering crisis

Last night, as we were watching the kick off of the new series of The Apprentice (top line thinking reveals that Margaret Mountford has become increasingly fabulous and chic over the last four runs of the programme. Sir Alan appears to have lost weight.), I sneezed several times in quick succession and became a bit bunged up.

I thought nothing of this until my flatmate turned to me, with a look on his face indicating he has thought about this before, and said:

”You’re not allergic to red wine, are you..?”

My world, bloggers, is crumbling before my eyes....

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I would like to make this clear

I did not storm out of the office in a huff at any point today.

Certainly not. I would never be so unprofessional.

I may have left for lunch very forcefully. But that is entirely coincidence.

I seem to be carrying around a lot of low-level anger and grumpiness.

Has anyone got any suggestions as to how I can get rid of it and generally pep up my attitude..?

Monday, March 24, 2008

I could not be more proud

I have avoided reading Google Anal-itics* for a bit, mainly because it's a bit like a computer saying "AHHHHH!! YOU'RE RUBBISH!" using a lot of facts and figures, which makes me a bit glum.

But this post by Annie made me have a quick squiz. To my utter delight, I find that someone found my blog by entering the search term 'batmonkeys' into Google. This is marvellous. Also as pleasing was whoever turned up via 'Action shopping' - which sounds rather fun. Doesn't the host nation get to add one sport to the Olympics? Action Shopping should be it!

"Shirley Heston from Neston lines up with her fellow competitors outside the entrance down here in Bluewater. You can really feel the tension, isn't that right Gary?"

"Yes indeed Sue. Just look at the way Anya Peterov, the Russian favourite, is lining up her wheely shopper and Visa card, she's got one of the fastest chip and pin times in the world. There were raised eyebrows when this event was announced, but these really are outstanding athletes. It's difficult to appreciate the literal months of preparation for this event. The last time Anya and Shirley faced each other was at the Commonwealth Hundred Metre Supermarket Sweep..."

"That's right Gary. I think we all remember the huge battle from these titans in the Ikea self-assembly semi-finals..."

...Anyway. Where was I?

My pleasure was dimmed a bit a few moments later, when I saw someone also came(* and **) by looking for "Robbie Williams Feel". Ugh. And Ugh again. Tainted!

But I also saw that quite a few visitors*** arrived by looking up Moviewang. One short hunt on the t'internets later, I discover a lot of foreign language sites with this in, but not much in the English language. I have a something! A thing that's mine! That I can use! Rapture! What possibilties!

The team of highly trained graphic designers are working on a logo as we speak, and the crazy kids in marketing are talking branding, but in the meantime, as competitions are all the rage this easter, here's a little Monday night puzzle. Name this film, pleeeeease. Winner gets a free Woot-Woot:

"All right, I'll count to eight, and if you haven't smiled, I'll strangle you."

Hmmm. That's a bit tight of me as it's so short. Here's another:

"I don't know if I'm unhappy because I'm not free, or if I'm not free because I'm unhappy."

No cheatin'! But I warn you, dear reader, I may have gone a touch arty-farty on you....

* "Ahahahahahahahah" ahem.

** not like that.

*** Literally a few. Can you hear the violins yet??

Friday, March 21, 2008

It's official: 1945 is now funny

I've already mentioned this reallly good parody of WWTBAM (I'm not linking to anything for that out of protest).

It seems there's a bit of trend going for sketches set in 1940s wartime Britain:

Take ten points, M&W.

Well hectic, A&M.

This one's a bit older but still v good:
And so are this and this.
And Harry Enfield was on this bandwagon a long time ago too.

If we're were being serious and beardy we'd obviously discuss the fine line between and comedy and tragedy* and the long historical tradition of wartime humour and examples blitz spirit across the globe (my grandparents stood on Westminster Bridge and watched bombs rain down on the city. We complain about bendy buses.).

But although I can tick the beard box*** I'm not going to go down that road, for me it's all about the taking the mick out of the great British institutons like the Beeb. Even the A&M sketch is made funny by the clipped received pronounciation accents discussing wicked trousers 'and shit'. As most of these sketches are on from Aunty anyway, it's a bit TV eating itself, n'est pas?

I suppose also it reminds me of my Grandfather, who had an incredibly gentle and wry sense of humour. And an understandable value for peace and contentment. I can hear his slightly guilty chuckle about some slightly saucy WWII anecdote as if he was still here.

He isn't. He's definitely dead. They played the theme from the Damn Busters as his coffin was carried out of the church. He wasn't really religious - I think he would have approved.

So. Do I have a point? Not really. Blast. Er. Carry on, good people of the Blogosphere.

* Eeek! I used to more about this, having done a tragedy course at University** taught by a white-bearded lecturer who ate Werther's Originals loudly during student presentations.
** As in a course. Not the accommodation situation in the second year.
*** So to speak.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

"We are meant to remain scientific"

Clearly I am a wet and a weed, because when I read about a dolphin helping two stranded whales back out to sea, it was full-strength cockle warming ahoy.

Conservation Office Malcolm Smith sounds brilliant:

"I shouldn't do this I know, we are meant to remain scientific," Mr Smith said, "but I actually went into the water with the dolphin and gave it a pat afterwards because she really did save the day."


Tuesday, March 11, 2008

A republic glint in my eye

I'm sorry, what? What??

Are they actually kidding me? What reality are the authors of this report living in?

Answer: a very enclosed, sealed-off and blinkered reality based in certain parts of Westminster, it seems.

Can we not just swear at the Queen, as normal? Why do we have to swear allegiance to anything at all? And if we do, surely it should be something we can all really get behind, like the X Factor or Song for Europe...

Saturday, March 08, 2008

This is a Further Adventures Newsflash! Beep-beep-biddity-beep-beep. Beep.

Gotham First Ladies Team take care of missing men 'crisis'.

Meanwhile, our hero becomes addicted to entering in t-shirt slogans in online in a vain effort to get other people to vote for them.

Blue Peter presenter shits himself.

Ms Murphy brings us her own special version of Standing In The Way Of Control (yes this was a while ago shurrup I nivver said I was current or nuffin).

And finally, Very Cool Man dances across Europe and beyond:

Davey Dance Blog -21- MAINZ - Simian - "Never Be Alone" from Pheasant Plucker on Vimeo.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Worried I may be in danger of repeating myself

I thought I had mentioned this at some point already, but according to a quick Technorati search, it seems not. Have just seen this again on

I can't quite explain why this is so funny - but it had me weeping in my swivel chair on a boring Friday afternoon on the office.

The fact that someone has time to remove Garfield from the cartoons is quite amazing. I mean, it's a good comic and everything anyway (sarcasm, laziness and idiocy always being a giggle, really) but this is something else.

Photoshop on!