Dearest God of All Finance.
Thank you for checking that I received my informative pension 'update' in the post. I must report that this helpful document scared me somewhat, as it contained a lot of words I didn’t fully understand. Words such as ‘savings’, ‘future’ and ‘retirement’. However it has made realise I may need more than three shillings and sixpence each month to survive on when I have become too withered to be of use in the workplace. I am currently addressing this shortfall by rolling out my celebrated ‘World Domination Project’ (codename: sunshine).
I note our pension advisor has been invited into the office. Before his arrival, can you please confirm he has the correct documentation to support my initiative. I have forwarded you a list but I am particularly interested in advice around the correct amount with which to bribe corrupt South American politicians and generating fast funds for R&D of spacecraft technology.
As an aside, I am also taking this forward with HR representatives, to see if I can benefit from time out of the workplace for this skills-enriching project. I am positive the experiences and knowledge I will gain while on secondment obtaining nuclear devices and working face-to-face with both Middle Eastern dictators and western politicians will be useful to the business going forward.
Thank you also letting me know that we now have access to matched payroll giving. I will consider this. I would also be enormously grateful if you could clarify whether trying out homegrown bio-engineering projects on my own body will affect my gym membership.
I hope the bonsai growing continues well.
Kindest regards etc,
(Alternative reaction from co-worker: "Yey! Pension stuff!")