Friday, December 26, 2008

"I'd just like to thank my cleaner..."


There we are then.* That was 2008. Innit.

And so, before I quit these shores** for my hollibobs, it's time to look back and reflect on the twelvemonth just gone in the blogosphere. The highs. The lows. The spelling errors.

And there's no reason not to do that with a posh dress and champagne.

I don't mean literally in champagne, of course. There is not better thing to do with bubbly stuff other than drink it. And from a glass. Drinking it from someone's shoe is gross. Oh, it's all fun and laughter to start with, but then there are verucas and athlete's foot...

Likewise, I'm not in a dress. I'm not going to tell you what I'm wearing. It's really not that sort of blog.

And obviously I couldn't afford Stephen Fry slash Jonathan Ross slash Angus Deayton to compere, so you is left with me.

So. Let's all just pretend we're at BAFTA or somewhere, glass in hand, nibbles circulating in a rotary fashion, and here we go...

(Paps flash! Cars pull up! Red carpets are walked over! Laptops are opened!)


(or, The 2008 BBA's. I've not found sponsorship yet.)

Blog most likely to have its own theme tune - Betty's Utility Room
Special mention has to go to Betty for her nomination in the category of Keeping Upper-Middle Class Twits Firmly In Check. The judges also felt BUR deserved a special commendation for the creative use of pictures. "WELL DONE DEAR!" is the kind of thing we really would not be allowed to get away with.

The 'Andrew's Marred' Best Political Commentator Award - As ever a much-contested category, but our special panel of crack judges (insert your own here, matron) felt this really had to go to the sensitive and democratic musings at Kaliyuga Kronicles.
Rarely has one slightly deranged man shown such dedication to the cause of political balance, while still also keeping up on cultural shenanigans in late night posts. Like napalm, an acquired taste, but with devastating results.

Blogger Who Was Lost But Now We've Found - Well it's JulaBerry. Because she went for a bit. Then she came back. Then she was on Facebook. And she reminds me to floss my teeth. A blogger of many talents. AND she was a CHAMPION of the Great 2008 Adopt-A-Word thingy. Hooray! Like a whirling, skirring thing she storms up the 'sphere with wit and humour and large amounts of lovely booze. Yay!

Blog most likely to contain the word 'dentist' - (Contains Mild Peril). While the 'one award per blog' rule alas means that Our Geoff - one of the great domestic and cultural commentators of our time - once AGAIN misses out in the 'Best Use Of Parenthesis' We Have Ever Seen' category, we are sure it is only a matter of time before this blog diversifies into other mediums. We can only wait with baited (but nice smelling) breath for the one-off special 'dental years' collection in book form; cruelly entitled 'The Cavity'. Dame rumour also reaches us with word that this will be hotly followed by a a spin-off series literally blowing the lid on UK office life...

Blog whose name I most like typing in Google - Quinquireme.
Go on. Do it now. Do it. Just type in 'quinquireme' in your Google box. Doesn't it feel good? Doesn't it feel right? Doesn't it make you feel that the internet just got a bit more orderly and professional? Just for a moment? Well then. That's what our team of judges felt too. And this award is all the more meaningful in the year that saw this blog falter briefly while the writer procreated. But standards were maintained and it is still the place you're least likely to find typo or grammer error, even in Pictish. Actually, especially in Pictish. Well they needed tidying up anyway..

Best new blog I've tripped across that still feels shiny and lovely and newwwwww - Really Quite Useful.
The judges deliberated long and and hard (ie, over more than one biscuit) about this one. Eventually they felt that the thing about this one is actually the startling honestly found in a few funny lines. For this blog is genuinely about this blogger's life and we applaud this...
(applause please).

The "We Are Most Concerned" Endangered Blog - The glorious Stately Moans. Doris - thy blogosphere needs you. And if there was any justice in the world, you would be being sponsored by your employers. Le Sigh.

Blog with the best profile picture and accompanying explanation of all time - Why, of course, it's RealDoc. This blogger has legendarily also mastered making people hoot with laughter without even getting to the blog posts, which is damn clever.

Blogger Most Lifting The Lid On Life At The CREATIVE EDGE - James And The Blue Cat. Although he's not really real, you know. That cat is really controlling him from behind the scenes. It doesn't want the other cats to know it has a writing career. The human is just his pen human...

Best use of anger award - Dear and delightful The Deleted Scenes. Because I firmly believe anger genuinely IS funny, and all people cursed by Travelodge deserve awards for survival. Plus, the blog is good too. Judges brought to our attention the improbably daring use of banner art.

So all that is left for me to do is offer deep and warm thanks to all the people above and also not above who have made me chuckle, exclaim out loud or suffer blog-envy this year. You have enlightened my life online this year - so bloody Cheers!! Here's to further interesting adventures on the intermawebs in 2009! (Down with the dreaded ennui!)

I don't usually do resolutions, as it always starts the year with failure, but instead of 'I won'ts', in 2009 BOZ WILL:

...use more pictures
...finally learn how to make the text go tiny wee and crossed out because that makes me laugh
...write better

See you in a few weeks!

* One of the best revelations of 2008 was a mate's dad pointing out that this was an acronym.
** Peeeeeeenis...


james henry said...

Yay, awards!

Have a nice holibobs.

patroclus said...

Why thank you, Sir Boz of Boz, I am honoured. Down with the ennui indeed! And have a super holiday!

Vicus Scurra said...

I am slightly overwhelmed and deeply touched, missus, to receive this award. I eagerly await the prize being transferred by bank transfer, and will be sure to write again to thank you when it has been received.
I need to thank all of my readers who followed me over to Boris and gave him what for. Most, apparently, beat the censor.
I see it as my duty to enlighten and educate, nevertheless it is heartwarming to be recognised.
I must take issue, however, with one comment of yours. There are some things that I see as worthwhile, and to these things I give my full attention. This includes the world of blogging. Therefore to be described as "slightly deranged" is, frankly, insulting. Unless you declare me to be completely deranged forthwith I shall be contacting my solicitors.

Vicus Scurra said...

Well done to all the other winners, whoever they are. I am sure they tried hard. Blah blah blah.

Betty said...





I'd like to thank the Brits School Of Performing Arts."

(acceptance speech in the style of the Arctic Monkeys)

Geoff said...

Thank you, Boz. I would love to do a work based blog but I'm afraid it would only result in my unemployment and possible incarceration.

Happy holidays!

GreatSheElephant said...

Bows. Exposes self yet further.

Jayne said...

where's my award? Oh wait...

Boz said...

Vicus - I apologise profusely for the administrative that led to a reduction in your derranged status. This has been taken up with my minions. One of them will be sending you their liver shortly. Happy 2009.

Betty - Sylvia Young'll be well gutted. I would do one in the style of Zara Phillips SLASH Leona Lewis "It's just... so amazing to be here. It's just... amazing."

Geoff - Poor show! The threat of unemployment should be no barrier to true creativity...

Jayne - Well. Yes. Hmmm?

I will be spending the last week in January catching up on all the blogs I'm missing while away. It's nice to have a break, but I'll be looking forward to seeing what's been happening in 2009 so far.