Monday, December 08, 2008

Solid Cold Easy Action

Typically, the office heating has decided to splutter its last and shuffle off its gas-powered coil.

It's really cold in the office. Really cold. It's actually quite difficult to type.*

We have contacted the landlord and the official line has come back on the situation:

LANDLORD: "The thermostat must not be working."

WORK: "Yes. We were wondering about that."

LANDLORD: "It must be a ghost."


I'm not entirely happy with this explanation, as it seems to come from the fact they don't understand the heating system, rather than any kind of spiritual belief or evidence of traumatic past event.**

We have tried to remain stoic, but questions have already been asked about 'being allowed to go home because we're so cold'. The answer appears to be that this only occurs at school. Dammit. I had one of those childhoods*** where I was made to go to school in blizzards anyway (Paging Lucy Mangan, Paging Lucy Mangan). Days when there only about thirty people in the entire school were fun. Sort of a Blitz spirit but with Bunsen Burners.

Ohhh, the things you can do with a Bunsen Burner... Turn it on. Turn it off. Change the flame colour. Hours of fun.

I'm starting to wonder if boiling the kettle might help heat the room, if not very efficiently. I'm beginning to miss the faint warmth CRT monitors used to give off...

UPDATE: We have a more expert opinion in; the nice engineer man says we have a low water pressure problem. Essentially when the water pressure gets too low the heating system gets a bit depressed and gives up. As we speak, one of my colleagues is being instructed in the Dark Arts of reinvigorating it. The mind boggles - a stern pep talk? A playful prod of its valves? Some soft words of encouragement? Bleeding the radiators until a quick jet of dirty water gushes out...?

This ties in well with my recent showering experiences at home; it's great, so long as most of South London has already buggered off to work.

UPDATE AGAIN: The heating is fixed! And I have just typed out the the phrase 'deeper penetration into key global accounts' in a client document and giggled to myself.

YES, STILL HERE: We can't work out how to turn it down.. it's getting quite hot..

* Although not check Facebook.
** The Incident With The Laminator and The Great Headed Paper Shortage of 2007 notwithstanding. I mean, no one actually died..
*** Concentrate, here comes the middle-classness.


patroclus said...

We once had a competition at work to see who could get the phrase 'double penetration' approved by a client in a press release.

Boz said...

All in all, it's been a very exciting day.

Patroclus - I think you've just given my life a whole new direction. THIS COULD BE FUN!

oyebilly said...

My office has been cold for a while. Eventually they listened to us and installed a load of heaters. Now it's too hot.


Jayne said...

Phew, am glad you haven't melted in the heat. I love your landlord's explanation. I must try that with my team next time they complain about anything.

Patroclus - I once got watersports and double penetration into the minutes of the same board meeting. Another good game is movie quotes. If I'm particularly bored I see how many I can use in a meeting without anyone else noticing.

PS There is a minimum temp for the workplace - I think it's 16C!

Hedgie said...

Goodness Mr Boz - a bit of temperature variation turns you into a rampant beast! Don't be coy - please share your showering experiences with us in *exhaustive* detail. I insist.

Before I read the boiler was fixed I was going to suggest hot water bottles - I take one to work. Alas, our problem at work is scrooge bosses, not broken boilers :-(

Tim Footman said...

I like the ghost idea. A few months ago, the display ad department at the Bangkok Post was closed for three hours, after someone claimed that a tap had turned on by itself, and they had to get some monks in to exorcise the place before anyone would go back to work.

Boz said...

Jayne - maaaarvellous! The best I reckon I can do is get raw talent included in a release. Damn. Must try harder in 2009...

Hedgie - oh come now, my mildew problem can't be that interesting.

Tim - We nearly mutinied here last week because we ran out of chocolate. I REPEAT, WE NEARLY RAN OUT OF CHOCOLATE. Do I have my life priorities wrong..?

Lizzie Barrett said...

I remember the Great Headed Paper Shortage of 2007. Afraid for my life I was.