Thursday, April 09, 2009

Food Things. Sort of thing.

Throwing hypocrisy to the wind*, and prompted by the revelation that Muller Vitality Pots are now in smaller pots but still the same price bringing on my Serious Injustice Fighter side**, I have decided to present my all time cheap tasty eats ideas.

BOZ TAKES ON THE RECESSION. GRR! Watch out Jamie Oliver. I'll have your apron by the strings faster than you can bosh up a plate of pasta.

Take one fillet of rainbow trout... Stand in oven tray for thirty minutes. Feel like an idiot and get no further through recipe. Get out of oven tray. Pop oven tray in the sink to wash (probably). Take some tin foil - resisting the urge to get overly creative and start wrapping up bits of kitchen to create expressionistic space-age effect. Wrap fillet in tin foil, with soy sauce, chopped spring onions, parsley and a bit o'grated ginger. Cook for 'an' amount of time. Let's pluck twenty minutes out of the cosmos, because that sounds nice, and I don't want to be held responsible for poisoning anyone. Serve. No, on a plate. Not like tennis. Eat. Nom nom nom.

Two soups! Anyone who cannot knock together at least one or two simple soups deserves no place in the world (ooo harsh). But seriously, home made leek and potato soup saw me through some dark times at university***. Take some things. Cook them together in a pan. With some stock. Add seasoning. 'Peasy.

Letil stewwwwwww. A fairly recent discovery chez Boz, but dead easy, tasty, filling and SuperHealthy. Go here. Brew up a batch on Sunday and you'll not go hungry before Thursday.****

OMLETTES. Because they go with salad, they go with.. other stuff too. Take an egg. Break it. Feel guilty. Ignore guilt as you beat egg with a tablespoon of water. Season, after you've phoned the supermarket to make sure the chickens had lots of field and corn and stuff to play with and didn't sort of mind, sortofthing, really, when their precious eggs were STOLEN from them by men in balaclavas. Heat some butter *****. Fry. VOILA! And you can add loads of things like mushrooms and cheese and all sorts. No All Sorts. Licorice and eggs not a happy combination, I fear.

Whisper it...cakes. Cakes! Fabulous wonderful cakes! I tried a sponge for the second time last week. I burnt it. But that doesn't matter! Because the ingredients are uber-cheap-tastic and you can just try again. A good cake will provide puddings and lovely fatty snacks for a week. Or two days, if you're living in our flat. If you are living in our flat, please can you leave because it's already quite small, and we keep running out of bog roll.

Risotto is your friend. Get to know her. She's a riot and has many different outfits. She likes a drink, say some wine, and is in no rush. Frozen peas. Mushrooms. Bacon (or fancier types of meat, if you're fancy. Like a fancy person.). Awooga!

ThE mySTERy ChaLLenGE!. Some of the best food discoveries are the ones when you get home from work, can't be arsed to go to the supermarket and have to 'make do' with whatever you've got in. MAKE DO?? It's FUN!! Chocolate and meat? veggies and chilli? Pitta bread and pasta sauce? OKAY THEN!

In all seriousness, I'm a fairly rubbish and panicky cook, but it bothers me that people can't cook stuff. Anyone can give anything a go. Cooking is not expensive.

Now. Where's my offer of a regular column in G2, hmm?

* By which I mean ignoring the quantities of food I have to throw away because it's gone off before I used it.
** LIke when they made Cadbury's Creme Eggs smaller. Bastards.
*** I spent three weeks living off £20 in Co-op customer reward vouchers. I ate a lot of beans. Like, a lot.
**** You may wish to stock up on toilet cleaning products, however. Words to the wise.
***** A 'knob'. Teehee!


GreatSheElephant said...

soups - crawls off to die.

You're right about the cream eggs though. Bastards. Of course, they will never entirely disappear but by 2020 we will probably need an electron microscope to see whether we've got all the foil off

Hedgie said...

Cream eggs have never done anything for me. I like my chocolate to be chocolate ALL the way through.

Soups: another one I really like for its slutty ease is a lentil soup:

1) dice onion & chuck in pan, with a spoon of tomato paste and some cumin.

2) chuck in lentils

3) cover with veggie stock and boil for 20 minutes.

4) You can also add a diced carrot if you like.