Surprisngly relaxing weekend at my parental home, despite the usual rivers of red wine (which is most certainly not some Nick Griffin-esque speech, I assure you).
I think the clocks going back has done wonders for me. After weeks of being tired and running out of rope, I seem tuned to the right universe. Ahhh! I was temporally challenged, clearly.
But. And anyway.
The delightful Great She Elephant (who sounds nothing like an elephant. I know this for I have spoken to her on the phone and she sounds.. well. All I'm saying is that Charlotte Green is in for a run for her money and certain gentleman callers might be persuaded to part with a lot of money.) has just completed a Meme which I am stealing from her blog.
Have you had sex in the past 24 hours? Not consciously.
Are you gay? Buh-LEEVE it, SISTAH! Um. Which actually means yes, I am indeed.
Do you have hairy legs?Yes. I am told this is fairly normal. But it doesn't mean I'm about to whip out the shorts at the smallest ray of sunshine.
Do you smoke anything? No. And I saw Whitney on X Factor recently.
Do you like monkeys? Never understood what's so great about them above any other animal, really. Cats is my bag.
How many fillings do you have? Two. I had others. They fell out. They or the tooth.
Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake? Ocean. I find it harder to trust still water.
Have you ever licked one of those square batteries? Yes. Peer pressure at uni because they found out I hadn't as a child. Isn't the British educational system a marvel?? Still. That's a red brick for you..
Have you ever read the Bible? No. Chewed some it? Yes.
Did you ever go to Sunday School? No chance. Resoundingly atheist parents, you see.
Do you wear a lot of black? No but I'm considering more. Have too many light threads for winter. Doesn't go that well with my brown-ish-ginger-hinted hair though..
Did you ever bring a weapon to school? I had nothing to declare but y genius. Which may have explained the forthright actions of the school bullies.
Have you ever hugged a tree? Hell yeah. And not regularly enough for my liking. Trees are ACE.
Do you know what a sphincter actually is? Intimately, and with all the surprises that such a position can throw up. (Sorry Gran).
Describe your hair? See above. It does its job. Quite thick. If I could be arsed to go to the cutting place more often it might be better, but it's mine so huzzah!
Are you a wildbeast? I cannot better GSE's answer: "No I'm a pedant - I think you mean wildebeest."
Do you like to have fun? (eyeing meme up and down) What did you have in mind..?
Do you like drama? Ohhhh yes.
Have you ever taken a bong hit? A million years ago when all this was fields.
Do you like mayonnaise? I can take it or leave it. Nice on chips, but really I'm a tommy k and brown sauce kind of dude and no that is no kind of euphemism.
Are you afraid to die? I'm afraid of an unpleasant death involving cheesegraters, but far more frightened of others around me dying.
Do you like playing in leaves? Only if they are properly attached and covering all parts that should be covered.
Have you ever peed your pants as an adult? Oh my word yes.
Have you ever thrown up on somebody as an adult? I don't think so. Just me.
Are you an adult? How long do you have... I tell you what. Just have a flick through some of my previous posts and make your own mind up.
Ever won a spelling bee? Yes. I called him Harold.
Do you ever eat because you’re depressed? I don't think so. But if I'm happy I worry about it less. Food is one of the last great enjoyments we have. Relish it.
Are you a television addict? Yes. But not about to go to any meetings about it.
Do you think OJ was guilty? Do bears hit up Mass?
Do you enjoy spending time with your mother? Yeah. She's a hoot.
Have you ever had sex in a hot tub? I tried, vaguely. I was kindly turned down. I was okay with that because I would have worried about howe to clean it afterwards.
On a swing? Not quite sure of the point of sex swings.
Do you like Elvis? He's not on my list, if that's what you mean.
Do you enjoy watching animals “do it” on the Discovery channel? No. Because they always seem faintly embarrassed by the film crew.
Ever been hit on at a zoo? I don't think so.
Have you ever had sex with a total stranger? Oh, my dear. None of us are strangers in this world. And not telling.
you enjoy the calming effects of turkeys? Can't abide turkeys. Never a turkey round our way come Christmas. We do things with pheasants and venison instead. I say we. I mean my parents, who are more creative in the kitchen than I am.
Does your mom think someone is hot? If she did I'm not sure she'd tell me. And that's fiiiine.
Are you a sugar freak? Yes, but I'm also a savory freak.
Ever been arrested? No.
Ever commit a crime and get away with it? Once, I didn't wash my hands after peeing.
Do you like orange juice? Yeah. Nice and fresh and cold. Cuts through a fuzzy head like nothing.
What sign are you? That sort of special movement friend's make when someone asks an awkward question about someone's partner at a party. Eyebrow's down, cutting motion with the hand..
Ever do the party boy dance in front of the elderly? I have no idea what you;re talking about. Which is probably right and proper as I'm past thirty now. I have my own kind of party boy dance.
Where do you wish you were right now? NYC.
Did you enjoy this? Well, it was fun, but it's not up there as one of the greats. You've certainly diverted some of my attention this morning, for which I am grateful for. But really I'd rather be finishing off The Camomile Lawn. Don't take it to heart though. Darling, you did your best...