Tuesday, January 26, 2010

"Now apply the ointment twice daily, and if the swelling persists after a week, come back and see me again."

I've been tagged by the Patrician known as GreatSheElephant!*

I love this. It's old-skool blogging practice. You can't really tag someone on Twitter.

The gist of the jolly wheeze here is to identify a character in a novel you most resemble.

Hmmmm. Toughie.

I can think of some charcters I'd like to be associated with.. but one that I think is like me?? Heavens.

It's a bit worrying that I've been thinking about this for a week and got no further. Novels are supposed to speak to one, aren't they?


First choice: The male protagonist in Sarah Waters' The Little Stranger. Partly because of the era, and because I think if I was born a hundred years ago or whatever, I would have been that second-son type, shuffled off into the clergy or medicine. If I were not a modern day urban twit, a rural GP's life for me.

Second choice: Mr Topsy-Turvy, c/o Roger Hargreaves and my youngest nephew.

I'm going to keep thinking about this one..

* Incidentally, one of my favourite Patrician moments in the Discworld books is the delightful revelation that he does not listen to musicians, but prefers to read the neat order of sheet music. Sublime. ***mentally sets aside time to re-read Discworld novels***

Thursday, January 21, 2010

And I get to snack as much as I like!

I'm working form home today.

It's great!

Even the smallest achievement warrants playing this really loudly and running around the flat with my arms aloft.


I may have to calm down slightly when the man arrives to repair the boiler.

Although I am being very productive. Maybe I should start getting over-excited in the workplace..

Friday, January 15, 2010

Possibly Overheard*

"So it turns out he wasn't self-harming at all, just trying to get a splinter out. We're off high alert and the marigolds are back under the sink."

"Where do they get all these people in the sofa and bed sale adverts? Where do they find them? Darling it's simply too Basingstoke. So distressing."

"You're so much more entertaining when hungover."

* Because there is little point in having all this at home on bits of paper.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

This is not going to become one of those dull torso-related perving blogs..

I promise.

I'm not going to start posting up pictures of celebrities with their tops off, along with variations on dribbling sounds or 'pwoar'. Who I do or do not have small daydreams about is less interesting for anyone else.

However, exceptions have to be made when it's a hitherto undiscovered BBC Weatherman.

I mean, wow. That's a whole lot of impressive gym work right there.

But it's so unexpected. It's like finding out that your account has superpowers, or that Terry Wogan is secretly running the UN.*

Bet he's getting some stick in the BBC office today, though.

It comes hot on the polished middle-class heels of this piece in yesterday's Times2, which explores the male obsession with having a six pack and perfect abs. Which is quite a good read, if a bit, well, 'dur'. Vanity is hardly a new sin, is it.

In this piece, Men's Health claim they don't 'editorialise' for gay men. I'm sorry? Come again? It does smack slightly of saying the party line through gritted teeth, without wishing to alienate all the hetero audience (who probably don't give a monkeys anyway if they genuinely spend time in the gym). But have you seen the adverts in Men's Health!? WHO ARE THEY KIDDING? It's either the female gaze or the gay gaze at work..

Now, I stand here** as someone who has recently started going to the gym again in a big way. I know. Hypocrite, right? But I'm not kidding myself. While there is caramel shortbread and bacon sandwiches in this world I am never going to be that person.


Turns out Mr Schafernaker is far more endearing on other counts, not just his impressive physique. He gets the giggles. On an epic, Charlotte Green scale. Brilliant!

Check out his unfortunate Glastonbury forecast. And then there is this glorious video clip...

Tomasz Schafernaker has even spawned his on fan blog. Amazing.

I'm predicting a hot front coming in from the south...

In summary: Nawwwwwww.

* Although actually I do firmly believe our work accountant does have superpowers. He's the most sorted, sane, with it and nice guy you'll ever meet. The rest of us are barely able to hold it together.

** Sitting, ackshully. Don;t believe everything you read on the t'internets, kids!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Disney WIN as far as I'm concerned

Bit behind the times with this one. But this rather cool video clip shows that Disney was way ahead of us all on the whole recycling thing.

Oh c'mon. We've probably all done the creative equivalent of a bit of copy and paste at times, right?

(See also the email viral doing the rounds at the moment showing how Avatar is plotwise rather similar to Pocahontas. But it's the way you tell 'em, surely! There are only seven plots or something anyway, I'm told..)

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Friday, January 08, 2010

Less flattering lighting..? Shoddier props..?

I'm suffering a sever attack of spam commentators. Which is pointless because I have moderation on the whole time anyway.

I let one through the other day, because it sounded like my mum telling me how good my blog is. Naww. But now I can't find what post it was attached to to point this out to people. Damn.

This morning, this was waiting for my approval:

Any idea how credit crunch affected porn?

In other words, has it suffered a "down turn". BOOM BOOM.

The mind boggles. I suspect it's a fairly strong industry at the moment. Well, with all this snow and people trapped indoors with nothing to do.. draw your own conclusions, if not the curtains.

I wonder what out of work pronstars do next...

No. I have to stop thinking about this.

It's not as if they invested much in the script for these things in the first place, so there's no money to be saved there. Which would frankly make all the difference. Even in British Pron.

It's all a bit grubby around here this morning, isn't it?!


Turns out the boiler has leaked all over the tea supply in the kitchen. DISASTER. CODE BROWN, CODE BROWN!!

Luckily we have lino. "We have to be able to mop, with Dad's habits..."

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Lord of the Trims: The Return of the Gym

**cue 70s Japanese cinema-style gong noise**

I upped and went to the gym this morning. In a slightly undignified these-shoes-were-not-designed-for-ice manner. First time there in I would estimate four months. And before work. Get moi!

I lasted less than fifteen minutes on the treadmill before I wanted to chunder.

However, I made free with the showers afterwards, which was lovely as ours is still not back up to full working order. Tomorrow morning: The Return of Barry.

Does it show that I have not yet turned on Twitter in 2010? I'm enjoying the lack of distraction. Think I'll have to be more disciplined about things this year.


Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Some things in life are simply undeniable

Looking for certainties at the moment.

Suffering under strange bout of knackeredness syndrome after festive period. Maybe it's cold turkey from drinking and OTT foods. Sleeping like a dog every night. Feels like January is some kind of halfway-house twilight zone.. strange weather, civic upheaval, odd programmes on the telly.

I'm fast retreating into a world of early nights and good books.

So it's good to know that there are still some certainties in life a post-modern gentleman chap can still grasp hold of.

Namely, Moira Stuart is just quite simply cool as fuck.

Leg. End.

(I'm clearly feeling a bit studenty-militant today. Hence the swear. Sozza'bout that.)

Monday, January 04, 2010

Christmas 2009 - an addendum

The festivities came to a momentary halt at the Boz family home this year:

"That Harry Potter figure given to youngest nephew is very accurate."

"Yeah, but he's much shorter than that in the films."

"Yes, but, it's so detailed you can tell which way Harry is dressing."

Pause, as 80 per cent of the family momentarily fall silent and stare at the figure clutched by blissfully ignorant five year old.

(To the right, it turns out.)

The Sn4wmen

Our boiler has broken down. Some kind of pump malfunction. Up to this point the Worcester Flyover Combi thing has been ever reliable. Now it can heat water, but not transport it anywhere around the flat. Which is annoying.

The boiler man (Barry) is coming around today. In the meantime we bought a small fan heater at the weekend, to help keep us alive. We quickly monikered this Fanny. It's the only time in the last ten years I've been interested in anything with this name.

But now we are very interested. Wherever Fanny goes, we follow. It can only heat one room at a time. IE, the one we are in.

Yesterday I went to the gym to use the shower, due to the lack of hot water. I'd just changed home branch, so I had to go and find where it exactly was, first. I 'fessed up to the nice lady behind the desk and said I was only there to get clean.

The evening before, we both went to the cinema to keep warm. We watched Sherlock Holmes, which ripped along at a firey pace, and was quite good. Am I the only person that thinks Downey Jnr sounds a bit like Sean Bean in Goldeneye, though?

"Closing time, Watson!".

At the cinema, I noticed some things about the current Clapham popluation:

1. All the men above thirty take all their style cues from whoever the current male lead in Spooks is.
2. All women want to be Florence from Florence and the Machine.
3. Many women have no idea how big their handbags actually are.

I am hoping the boiler man can fix the boiler today. Please please please.

On the plus side, this is probably helping my pledge to cut down on energy usage this year.