Thursday, December 08, 2011


If anyone asks, these bad boys are the best Mince Pies in London City.

(But NOT the Waitrose Short Crust ones, or the Luxury ones, FYI.)

I know this, as a friend organised a Mince Pie tasting at the weekend, and the 15-strong Tasting Committee chugged its way through 14 types of mince pies, judging them against a secret and specific set of criteria*.

Just take a moment, and imagine having seven mince pies in a row (we had halves of most). Doesn't sound like much, does it? But it gets quite hard going after a while. Mince Pies are quite.. filling.


- Heston's are rubbish (they came last, and the stuff you sprinkle on them smells like one of those tree-shaped air fresheners for cars. Sorry Hesty.)

- We are not a fan of puff pastry in our mince pies (because, basically, that's an eccles cake with festive dellusions)

- Extra sugar is no substitute for taste, darling

- One of the brands from Selfridges tastes slightly of fruity Hubba Bubba. Weird

- The structural integrity of pastry is really rather important

- Nothing says Christmas like a whacking great bottle of Amaretto, does it?

- Home made is really also the way forward, as they came in second, third and fourth (OR The Committee is biased. And lovely.)

- The addition of a tiny wee bit of stilton to the filling before baking can be surprisingly delicious

This is Boz, helping you all have a better Christmas..

* I'll say now that one of the criteria was 'holistic joy' and leave it there.


LC said...

One thing I have learned since working in an office with a large proportion of gayers is that you fine gentlemen love to make lots of mince-pie related innuendo at this time of year.

Boz said...

That's a vicious slur. None of us bummersexualists are fine gentlemen.

GreatSheElephant said...

I don't love Heston. I broke a tooth on his popcorn icecream and it's going to end up costing me several hundred quid in dental fees.

Tim Footman said...

You put Stilton in your mince pies. There's a euphemism for something or other.

Boz said...

GSE - I trust you are popping the invoice over to him..? With a note saying "This would never happen with Delia...".

Tim - Naughty.