Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Things I have learnt since contracting chickenpox

1. No part of the body is safe from blisters. Think about that for a moment.

2. The ones on your scalp are the worst.

3. Also the ones behind the ears.

4. People can actually recoil. I thought they just did that in books.

5. My flatmate is awesome and kind. And also very patient.

6. Fever-fuelled dreams are a great way to imagine up ideas for kids films you will probably never write.

7. They make you wait on your own at the Doctor's.

8. Calamine lotion smells like dentists that have been left out in the rain too long.

9. Mums are amazing and know everything.

10. Grown up medication is never as brilliant as Calpol.

11. I would pay almost any sum of money for my dad to come and stroke my hair as I went to sleep, like he did sometimes when I was a kid.

12. Sleep is GREAT.

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

...it's me again, Hive Mind...

Apparently I need a holiday or a rest or something.* Once again I've gone over half the year without really taking a significant chunk of time off. Apart from a few days to move, which of course was very relaxing.**

So. I'm taking some time off and going somewhere. On my jack jones. Just me.

Apparently, this makes me a freak.

Holiday?

By yourself?

Without anyone else?

Yes, friend. You see I was raised by a pair of kick-ass and groovy parents, and if there is one thing I can do, it is be by myself. I can literally do it for hours. On my own. No hands.

I've been kicking around the internet (because I can do that now) and looking for places to go and hang out. A phrase has cropped up a number of times:

Single person supplement!

I'm sorry? Come again? Same room, yes. Eating less food, probably. And you're charging me more? Huh.

Obviously traveling by yourself is not a new thing, but as the evidence suggests, there's more than a whiff of suspicion about the single traveller. It appears vaguely acceptable to go it alone in another country, but.. here..?

Yes. Here. I've just moved flat. My bank account is emptyier than Jane Marple's swear box. I want a holiday. I'm not marauding around the British countryside snatching children off the streets.*** Bugger off with your "Naww, poor you. No friends?" I demand luxury and rest and time reading books and working out what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. I have plenty of great mates. I don't want to see them ALL the time.

I feel a bit penalised because I'm not in a couple. All the cool places have a slight air of smug romantic getaway to them. I just want a decent place to sleep and relax and sit about. Maybe walk about a bit in the country or by the sea. ~hefts weight around a bit on bar stool~

And oh I have found cool places if you are entwined with another human-slash-humans. Staying in a disused railway carriage, Sir? Perhaps Madamoiselle would prefer a glamorous eco-pod dropped onto the Cornish countryside? Or a yurt for you and yours..? No..? A 1940s former Showman's van, perhaps?

Well if you're single you CAN'T. Nossir. Families and couples only, ifyouplease. Certainly if you want to be able to afford them and not face daily confrontations with your social status as Persona Non Nupta by waking up next to a string of unusued beds. Outcast. Pariah. Etc. Etc. ~Falls off bar stool~

So. I need somewhere cheap-ish to go in the UK where I can hang around and do not much for a bit? Any ideas, anyone...?


* Unpicks fingernails from desk.
** Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ~sits on unpacked Boz box~ ~rocks~
*** Can't make any such promises about awesome kittehs, obviously.

Monday, July 04, 2011

Hallo the internet, my big furry reassuring friend!

Four weeks.

It's taken four weeks since moving flat for BT to get us properly connected to the internet. I mean, really? I'm a single gay man. My flatmate purports this puts me in a vulnerable group. I NEED THE INTERNET.

...because when you've used up your Smartphone's data allowance for the month remarkably quickly, getting everything you need to do done at work sucks. Seriously. I am surprised at how much of what I do involves being hooked up to the hive mind.

Anyway. Happily flat-settling now. The only other minor disaster was finding the new flat didn't have a TV aerial.

I'll just repeat that for those of you rendered unable to comprehend this.

The new flat. Does not have. A TV aerial.

Apparently this is the 21st century. WHO KNEW. This is being swiftly rectified, if only to avoid a repeat of the sweaty fear that gripped my flatmate and I when we discovered this. We clutched at each other in terror.

AND without the internet we didn't even have iPLAYER. I KNOW.

(Yes, yes, summer, outdoors, frolicking in parks, wine in the sunshine, blah, blah roobarb.. I know, I know.. I don't spend all my time indoors staring at screens, I promise.)

Tell you what, as well. Moving house when you've been out drinking the night before and forgotten to have dinner. Not so fun. I was as surprised as anyone..